


Heart and Soul

by Moonliel



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Canon Era, Canon-Typical Violence, Dorks in Love, Drinking, Episode: s03e12-13 The Coming of Arthur, Flirting, Friendship/Love, Gen, Jealousy, Kinda, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Monster of the Week, Pining, Pining Gwaine, Protective Gwaine, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, gwaine pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 11:32:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12681027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonliel/pseuds/Moonliel
Summary: Gwaine loves Merlin. He tried not to, but there was no escaping it. The bigger problem, however, was that Gwaine had no idea if Merlin and Arthur were together or not.end game Merlin/Gwaine





	Heart and Soul

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to contribute more to the Merlin/Gwaine pairing since I love these two (even if I'm a big Merthur fan).
> 
> Also, I hate reading a story and not knowing if Merlin/Gwaine are going to end up together instead of Gwaine just being a device to drive Merlin and Arthur together, hence I'm so blatant with the end game pairing.
> 
> Originally this was suppose to be a simple and sweet 4500 word story and somehow evolved into this. 
> 
> Regardless, I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Kudos and comments appreciated <3

Gwaine wasn’t really sure what he was doing in Camelot. It wasn’t really like him to have attachments let alone a permanent residence. It made him itch for the open land, for unexplored places and people. Yet as he looked toward his sworn Prince Regent and his servant, (his ridiculously lovely servant) well, he figured he could stay just a bit longer.

**+++**

“What does the princess have you doing today, Merlin?” asked Gwaine as he hefted his sword and twirled it around his wrist a bit as he stood by the practice field.

Merlin huffed, but a smile bloomed on his face. “The usual, if you can believe it. Polish armor, organize clothes, bring his food. I’m actually quite surprised.”

“What makes you say that?” Gwaine asked as he looked around and stared at the Prince in question. Arthur was fixing  Elyan’s stance as the other knight faced off against Lancelot.

“Well, he has to make a speech at the banquet in a few days and hasn’t asked me to write it for him yet,” teased Merlin as he turned to look at Arthur with a smile still on his face. His eyes softened as he took in Arthur in his natural element. 

Gwaine took in Merlin’s starry-eyed expression like a punch to the gut. He always had cared for Merlin, more than he probably should have but he honestly could not help himself. There was just  _ something _ about him that had Gwaine coming back for more and although it felt like a punishment he inflicted upon himself, he could not stay away.

When they had first met at that tavern Merlin was just another desperate sod that needed help. His and Arthur’s chances at winning that bar brawl were slim to none and Gwaine was so very tired of life that day. He figured ‘ _ what the hell’ _ and jumped right into the fray. Here were two idiots taking on a tavern-fill of men with no weapons but their fists and suddenly Gwaine had the bright idea to help.

He had woken up, patched up and shirtless, in a bed and room he didn’t recognize. Events from the night before came to him suddenly and then Merlin had walked in the room with a tray ladened with breakfast.

It was hard  _ not _ to like Merlin. He was just so  _ good. _ Everything about the man screamed  _ nice, sweet, caring _ and Gwaine had little to no interaction with people like Merlin. After defending Merlin against those knights and talking to him about nobility and his past, something he  _ never _ did, that was when Gwaine knew he was truly lost.

(It also helped that Merlin was ridiculously easy on the eyes)

Unfortunately it seemed that stability was still out of reach for him when he was banished from Camelot. If Gwaine hadn’t seen just how devoted Merlin was to Arthur he would have asked the other man to run away with him. 

But that was not to be. For Merlin, it seemed that Arthur was  _ everything _ . And that was a bitter potion to swallow. It was proven when they met again before they traveled to the Fisher King’s Castle. Merlin was worried about the princess and had sought him out. Merlin hadn’t even needed to say more than a sentence to him before they bolted from the tavern and went on the quest to save Arthur. Despite their friendly and easy conversations he could tell just how worried Merlin was.

That level of devotion was hard for Gwaine to understand. He knew that Merlin was Arthur’s servant, yet he risked his life to save the Prince from a personal quest, one that Merlin had been apparently forbidden to help with. Also, Merlin had absolutely no armor or weapons. The night before they were to finally make it to the castle Merlin had even told Gwaine that he didn’t actually have to come. The idiot planned on heading to the castle on his own against the unknown and weaponless.

Gwaine wasn’t really sure what to make of that. Was Merlin simply brave or stupid, or both? A servant did not just risk life and limb for their master. It was unheard of. If anything, those were the actions of a knight and Merlin, with his skinny arms and coltish legs, was no knight. Gwaine was simply fascinated and he found himself falling a little bit in love.

Merlin was his first friend - his only friend - and he couldn’t wish for a better one. Merlin was clever, funny, sassy, sweet and brave. There really was no better person.

It pained Gwaine to leave Merlin and Arthur at Camelot’s border. He had finally admitted to himself that he wanted a permanent place to live. At least somewhere longer than a month and he wanted to do that by Merlin’s side. He wasn’t too sure about Merlin’s feelings, but time could help change that. Besides, it didn’t look like Merlin and Arthur were an item - regardless at how freaked out Arthur had been when Merlin got locked in the throne room back in the castle.

After he departed he traveled further from Camelot than he ever had. He needed to get Merlin out of his mind and heart - it was not healthy for him to hold onto those unrequited feelings, especially since he could do nothing about them. He drowned himself in drink and in people as he traveled from place to place. Ultimately he found his way back to Essetir, in Cenred’s kingdom, bordering Camelot. 

He had been on his way to a new tavern when out of nowhere he was hit with a dart and passed out. He’d been captured by slave traders and was forced to fight to the death as entertainment for his captors. If he could have escaped he would have but it was not easy. A few days later he came across Merlin and Arthur again. 

Fate was funny like that.

He was ecstatic to see Merlin again. (and Arthur too, he supposed)

The problem was that they were all captured now. When the slave trader, Jarl, announced that Merlin was going to be fighting his  _ champion _ Gwaine felt his heart seize. There was absolutely no way was he fighting Merlin. He doubted that Merlin’s skill with a sword had drastically increased. Merlin looked so bewildered and confused and Gwaine had to clench his hands at his sides as to not reach out and sooth him. Arthur volunteered himself and Gwaine had let out a sigh of relief. 

He wouldn’t mind fighting Arthur.

In retrospect, he had probably fought Arthur harder than he intended. It was the perfect opportunity to let go of all his feelings of jealousy and inadequacy. He wanted to show Merlin that he was a capable fighter, more than worthy of his affections, and that Arthur wasn’t the only one good with a sword. 

The problem with fighting that hard was that there wasn’t too much time for thinking. Neither he nor Arthur had a plan regarding actually getting out of the fight alive and if it hadn’t been for the fire, well, he didn’t really want to think about it.

Once clear of the keep and after catching their breath, Gwaine finally knew why they were in an enemy kingdom.

Gwaine had to admit that something like warmth and hope blossomed in his chest when Merlin told him the truth about their (secret) quest and when Arthur reprimanded him Merlin’s answer had simply been:  _ What? It’s...Gwaine. _  - Like that explained everything, and in a way it did. It let Gwaine know just how much Merlin trusted him and how much Merlin was willing to put on the line by including him in their quest. This meeting and those words were another pivotal moment for Gwaine and there was no way was he not going back to Camelot with Merlin after this, even if he had to live in some hovel on the outskirts of the city.

The quest had been a disaster, as most things usually were with Arthur around. They made the best of it, but once back in Camelot’s lower town it seemed that things were going to be worse before they got better.

They stopped at a small home that seemed to belong to a blacksmith. Elyan, it seemed, was well acquainted with both Merlin and Arthur and also fairly decent with a sword. Gwaine wondered just how many other friends Merlin had and deep down was a bit jealous. However, he could not begrudge Merlin for his easy friendships - it was hard to meet Merlin and not want to be friends with him.

Arthur on the other hand…

**+++**

Once inside the castle walls Gwaine had no real idea what they were facing or what he should do. He was never one to think of plans or contingencies. Put him in front of an enemy, a sword in his hand and he was good to go. 

When Arthur wanted to continue on, even when it was obvious he was on his last reserves, Gwaine had to admit he was a bit impressed, but that still didn’t help them. When Merlin took charge it was a no brainer to listen to him. Even Arthur had no objections. Despite not wanting to leave Merlin with a half-dead Arthur to lug around, he knew that Merlin was counting on him and he would not let him down.

When they met up again in the physician’s quarters, Gwaine was relieved that they were both alright. When Arthur told him and Elyan to go to the woods with Gaius, the only reason Gwaine left was because he knew that Merlin would want his mentor and caregiver to be safe. He was trusting Gwaine and Elyan with the man’s life and Gwaine was not about to disappoint his friend.

He stomach clenched with dread to see Merlin and Arthur leave into an enemy-filled castle alone, but he had to trust them. The wait was brutal but when Arthur and Merlin limped back into view he felt the uneasiness unclench from his gut. He had pulled Merlin into an one-armed hug and just held him tightly until Arthur almost collapsed again.

**+++**

After making their way to the castle of the ancient kings Gwaine was hoping to have a little more alone time with Merlin. That didn’t seem to be the case, however. There was plenty to do if they planned to retake Camelot and Merlin was busy fussing over Arthur, Gaius, and surprisingly, Lancelot.

Yet another sword-wielding man Merlin had acquaintance with. The only saving grace was that Gwaine knew that Merlin went to look for  _ him _ when he needed help and not Lancelot.

**+++**   
  
Gwaine decided he hated Lancelot.

Alright, he didn’t. Lancelot, it seemed, was some sort of saint. 

He only  _ sort of  _ hated Lancelot.

(Did he and Merlin really have to sleep so close together?)

**+++**

When they were retaking Camelot and Merlin made it back alright Gwaine decided that Lancelot might just be handy to have around. 

He decided he didn’t hate him so much anymore, even if Merlin came back a little banged up.

**+++**

Arthur sent them all out to go and collect Guinevere. On the way there Gwaine found out more about his fellow knights.

Elyan was Gwen’s brother and was saved by Merlin and Arthur. He was an easy-going man that hadn’t aspired to be a knight, but he owed both Merlin and Arthur his life and so decided to serve the Prince.

Percival was silent, but nice. He smiled often and swore to follow Lancelot for the help the other man had given him in the past. He was closed off about what that was, but Gwaine was confident that he could get the answers out of him after a few drinks.

Leon was a stuffy knight of old. He was a noble and Arthur’s man through and through. Gwaine thought he would hate him but unfortunately he couldn’t. Any man who decided to fight an undead army with no real way to win was brave and stupid. Just like him. It also helped that Leon didn’t make a fuss when Arthur decided to knight commoners.

Lancelot was an enigma. Gwaine tried to get the story about why they hadn’t made it to the warning bell in time, but Lancelot sidestepped every question. He did find out about how he and Merlin had met and was slightly envious but that feeling went away when he saw just how besotted he was with Gwen. It also helped that Lancelot had a high opinion of Merlin and Gwaine wasn’t sure what brought that on or if there was something more to the griffin story that wasn’t being shared. It was enough to know that Lancelot could see Merlin’s true worth as well. Also, Gwaine freed himself from a rival he hadn’t known existed and was happily making his way back to Camelot.

And that was how he found himself - in Camelot, training to be a knight to a Prince-Regent. 

Life was certainly mysterious in some ways. He was still no closer to Merlin and Arthur still seemed to be the only person Merlin saw. Gwaine’s heart hurt whenever Merlin’s eyes sparkled in pride and devotion when he looked at the Prince, but Gwaine wasn’t about to let that get in the way of his feelings. He had finally settled, no matter how odd it felt, and he wasn’t about to be forced out of Camelot this time without a fight.

**+++**

“He makes you write his speeches?” Gwaine asked incredulously.

Merlin put his finger to his lips. “Shh… Don’t let him hear you. I shouldn’t have said that, actually,” replied Merlin with a dopey grin. “You are just too easy to talk to,  _ Sir _ Gwaine,” teased Merlin. Gwaine could feel a small warmth unfold in his chest as he jokingly glared at Merlin at the tease. He could not believe he was a knight. If someone told him he was going to serve a noble as a knight, a knight of Camelot no less, he would have laughed right in their face.

“Well, if you’re not busy tonight, care to join me for a drink?”

Merlin stared at him for a moment and Gwaine fought the urge to shift his stance. He wasn’t exactly nervous, except he sort of was. Merlin probably had a million things he’d rather do with his limited free time and wouldn’t want to spend it with Gwaine. Besides, Lancelot existed so he probably wanted to spend time with him instead.

Merlin’s eyes gleamed in good humor as he replied. “That sounds like a great idea. I could really use one. It has been unending work getting Arthur adjusted to all his new duties and a drink is certainly needed. Think you can get some into your room? I don’t really fancy drinking at the tavern.”

Gwaine was a bit taken aback. He hadn’t really counted on Merlin accepting, let alone wanting to spend time with him in his  _ room _ . Gwaine could feel his hands sweat as his nerves climbed. It was completely unlike him. Yet, he had been acting like a completely different person after he had met Merlin. Merlin just made him want to be  _ better _ than he was. It was hard, but rewarding, especially when those pride-filled eyes were turned towards him. It made him feel like he could do  _ anything. _

“Sounds good to me. I’m sure I can get one of the kitchen maids to hand some wine or ale over,” replied Gwaine with a wink. Merlin just laughed at him softly before Arthur’s voice rang across the training field.

“ _ Mer _ lin - whenever you’re done  _ not working _ you can accompany me back to my chambers. I have a set of chores for you to do,” huffed out Arthur as he turned away from the knights and made his way back to the castle, positive that Merlin would only be a few steps behind.

“His Royal Pratness awaits,” said Merlin with an exasperated laugh. “I’ll see you tonight, yes?” he asked as he started to walk away. Gwaine just shot him a jaunty two fingered salute.

“Tonight.”

**+++**

Since Gwaine was a new knight and one that was low-born (as far as anyone not named ‘Merlin’ knew) he didn’t have a squire or a servant so he was in charge of keeping his rooms clean. Any other chores, like his laundry or his armor was taken care of by the castle servants as a whole, but his weapons and everyday chores he was happy to do himself. Once Arthur settled as Prince-Regent and got the citizens of Camelot back into high spirits he knew that he was going to be sent out on patrols and quests and the such so he was adamant in spending what free time he had now into settling in.

He wasn’t kidding when he said the kitchen maids would happily supply him with some drink for the night. As a knight of Camelot he only had to flex in his armor but that wasn’t the way he wanted to be known around the kingdom. Instead he used sweet words, a charming grin and a flip of his hair - it was just as effective, if not more. He was also able to get a few slices of bread, cheese, and two apples, which he was currently slicing for easier consumption.

He chanced a glance at the candle nearby and his heart spasmed in his chest. It was already really late and he had expected Merlin at least an hour ago, but it seemed that Arthur had a mysterious need of his manservant tonight. Gwaine could admit that he was disappointed but he wasn’t actually surprised and he didn’t know what that said about him. Was it wrong to hope that Merlin would place him first for once?

Just as he was about to eat and drink himself to sleep he heard a knock on the door. Before he could say anything a very familiar face peeked through the now opened doorway.

“Oh good, glad you’re still awake. Sorry I’m so late, but it turns out that Arthur did need that speech written and I just finished with the draft,” said Merlin as he made his way into the room. It was the first time he had stepped into Gwaine’s room and suddenly the knight was hoping that the room was clean enough. He knew instinctively that Merlin probably wouldn’t care if it was messy but it didn’t stop Gwaine from wanting to make a good impression. Would Merlin even be impressed by a clean room?

“No worries - I figured the Princess had kept you. He would be the only reason you wouldn’t be with me now,” said Gwaine in what he hoped was a joking tone. By the look on Merlin’s face he might have failed that mark.

“I am sorry, Gwaine. I tried to finish as quickly as I could and there was just more to do since not only has Arthur taken over the Council meetings but also any audiences with the public. It’s not only new duties for Arthur but for me as well and I’m not used to it yet,” apologized Merlin as he sat down with a heavy sigh.

Now Gwaine felt like a giant ass. Here he was with Merlin, the only one he ever wanted to spend any time with, and was accusing him not making time for him when in actuality he was. It was also at a detriment to Merlin since he could be using this time to sleep and rest but instead is busy spending the night with Gwaine. It was that thought that had Gwaine feeling both guilty and pleased, and then guilty again because he had no right feeling pleased that he was taking up Merlin’s time.

“No, that’s alright. Glad you could find time in your busy schedule to stop by. I don’t think I could have finished all this myself,” he said as he gestured to the food and drink spread on the table.

“You could have invited Lancelot or Percival or even Elyan to help you finish it,” said Merlin as he took a plate and started serving himself. Or at least Gwaine thought he was serving himself until he found his arms ladened with a filled plate.

“They wouldn’t be half as fun,” he muttered out. “What are you doing?” asked Gwaine as he took the empty plate from Merlin’s arms and replaced it with the full one he was currently holding. He turned toward the table and served himself, purposely looking away from Merlin’s flushed face.

“I was ..err...serving you?” said Merlin, unsure at his response.

“I don’t need you to serve me, Merlin,” huffed out Gwaine as he took in the seat opposite Merlin. To solidify his statement he served both him and Merlin a cup of ale. “Here,” he said as he placed the cup closer to Merlin.

“I - “ Merlin just stopped as he took in the scene before him. He seemed flustered and unsure.

“Merlin, up until a few days ago I was a drunkard and a sellsword and about to be sold as a slave. I honestly have no need for you or anyone to serve me and have been able to take care of myself for a number of years,” replied Gwaine patiently. He knew what was going through Merlin’s head but there was no way he was going to let their difference in station get between them.

“But you’re a knight now,” Merlin stated, completely missing the point of Gwaine’s words.

“Yes,” drawled out Gwaine, leveling Merlin with a serious stare. Only when he had eye contact with Merlin did he continue. “I don’t care that I’m a knight now, Merlin. Honestly, I have a hard time believing it myself and am still waiting to wake up and be led out of Camelot at sword point since I was banished under Uther. The point I’m trying to make is that I’m still  _ Gwaine _ and you’re still  _ Merlin _ and I don’t expect nor want you to treat me any different. Besides, you’re still my only friend here in Camelot and I don’t need my friends thinking I’m better than them, because I’m  _ not, _ just because I have a fancy title now.” 

Gwaine wasn’t sure he’s ever spoken this truly or from his heart so much in his life but it seemed anything was possible when he was with Merlin.

Merlin just had a dazed look in his eyes even as his lips curled into a pleased smile. It turned shy and Merlin tucked his face down to hide his blushing cheeks. Gwaine wondered if Merlin had assumed that Gwaine wouldn’t want anything to do with him now that he was a knight and was now pleased to note that things didn’t have to change. May have been a load off from his shoulders too.

“Thanks, Gwaine,” replied Merlin finally as he took his cup in hand and raised it in a mock toast. Gwaine quickly raised his own cup and took a large gulp. He had to admit that the ale in Camelot’s kitchens tasted better than any of the swill he’s had from taverns.

**+++**

They ate and drank and talked about training and Camelot and any wild stories Gwaine had to tell. Gwaine couldn’t ever remember having such a good time without a sword in hand. Finally it seemed they ran out of wine and the sun had set long ago. Merlin was loose-limbed and loose-tongued as they sat at the table. His hand was sitting in the middle of the table after telling an elaborate story of an escaped goat, a jar of oil, and chicken feathers that took place in the lower town. Gwaine tried to keep his attention on Merlin’s face, especially since it was prettily flushed and his eyes were swimming with unnamed emotions, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the lonesome hand and his own itched with the need to grasp it.

He placed his own hand on the table and smoothly crept it closer to Merlin’s. He thought he had been subtle but it seemed Merlin wasn’t as tipsy as he thought.

“Gwaine?” questioned Merlin as he caught Gwaine’s eyes. Merlin curled his hand into a light fist. 

“You should probably go to bed now, Merlin. We both have a busy day ahead,” said Gwaine, already missing Merlin even with the other man still in the same room. He didn’t want to take any sort of advantage of his friend, but the longer Merlin sat there with his pretty face and red-bitten lips - well, Gwaine didn’t have  _ that _ much self control.

Merlin looked put out and a bit downtrodden but managed to hide the expression away behind a wide smile and a fake yawn. It made Gwaine uncomfortable to see just how easily Merlin was able to hide his expressions and push away his own desires and for some reason it made him feel guilty and angry. He didn’t understand Merlin and he really wanted to. There was just something there, something on the edge of his thoughts that he knew he could reach, if he could just  _ think _ harder, but whatever it was it was elusive and hard to find. 

He knew Merlin. He knew the kind of man Merlin was inside, but it seemed that Merlin had more hidden layers and a depth that Gwaine could not make out. He was a mystery and one Gwaine really wanted to get to the bottom of, even if it took him his whole life.

“There’s something about you, Merlin. I can’t quite put my finger on it,” mumbled out Gwaine as he looked deeply at Merlin, an exasperated sigh on the tip of his tongue.

Merlin let out a small huff of laughter. “You know, you’re the second person to tell me that,” he said with a soft grin.

Gwaine’s insides curled in trepidation. “Oh, and who was that?”

“Arthur. The second time we met after he tried to take my head off with a mace,” Merlin laughed openly as the memory played in his mind. A wide, happy grin replaced the fake smile he had before and Gwaine could feel himself grow cold. He hated how happy Merlin looked whenever he thought about Arthur, but at the same time he really couldn’t begrudge his friend his happiness either. 

“You have not told me that story yet,” Gwaine replied petulantly. He wondered if he would take off  _ Arthur’s _ head with a mace next time in practice in retaliation. He hoped Merlin would appreciate it.

“Ah, that’s probably for another day. You’re right. It is late and I have to go over the speech once more before bed,” said Merlin as he stood up. He swayed a bit but leaned against the table to right himself.

Gwaine lept to his feet, the amount of ale not even giving him a buzz. He walked over to Merlin’s side and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You alright there, Merlin?” he asked, his voice laced with concern.

Merlin looked at him with soft eyes and Gwaine wanted to kiss him.

“I’m fine,” he answered. “Good night, Gwaine, and thanks,” Merlin said as he lightly dislodged Gwaine’s hand and made his way to the door.

“Thanks for what?” Gwaine asked before Merlin could walk out.

“For still being my friend, I suppose,” answered Merlin. Once the words escaped his mouth he looked like he wished he could take them back. Must have been the ale.

“Merlin, I’ll always be your friend, no matter what,” said Gwaine as serious as he could muster as he stared at his friend intently.

Merlin let out a wry grin. “I hope so,” he muttered, not really expecting to be heard.

“Get some sleep,” Gwaine said gently and gave Merlin a smile in return. Merlin smiled and nodded as he stepped out the door.

Gwaine let out a sigh as he made his way to his bed. He sat down heavily and removed his boots and socks and tunic. He decided to leave the candle burning as it would snuff out on it’s own soon as he laid down and tucked his arms under his head. Gwaine stared at the ceiling, lost in thoughts and emotions the evening had brought forward. And if he snuck his hand down his trousers and thought about Merlin’s laugh, his bright eyes, or long fingers, well, at least he didn’t have a servant to come in and bother him.

**+++**

The next few days were a mixture of boredom and training. Unfortunately they weren’t training with maces and it left Gwaine a little bereft. Merlin only attended half the training sessions but seemed to be stuck to Arthur’s side as he rushed here and there to help with armor and swords and speeches. They hadn’t gotten a moment together and it was starting to not only grate on his nerves but also make him nervous in regards to where he stood with Merlin. He figured he could probably stop by Merlin’s room tonight with a wineskin of wine and surprise his friend instead.

**+++**

Things seemed to go well the rest of the day and by the time evening fell he still hadn’t seen Merlin. Last anyone knew he was still in Arthur’s room and Gwaine wasn’t sure how he felt about that. What could they be doing so late at night and all alone?

He really tried not to think about it.

Instead he made his way to the Physician's Quarters. Gaius was in and was mixing some potion or other. 

“Good evening,” he said as he walked into the room, taking in the dried herbs hanging by the door and the shelves of books. It felt like ages since he had last been in this room and it brought back memories of a simpler time when he wasn’t a knight of Camelot and Merlin wasn’t in Arthur’s room at night.

“Hello, Sir Gwaine, anything I can help with?” asked Gaius as he stopped mixing for a moment. 

“Just ‘Gwaine’ is fine, Gaius,” answered Gwaine with a half-smile. Being a knight was harder than it seemed. The title, the respect - it was not a fun feeling and it made his skin itch. “Is Merlin in?” he asked as he dangled the wineskin in the air.

Gaius gave him an exasperated eyeroll and a small smile. “No, that boy is not back yet but he shouldn’t be much longer. You’re welcome to wait in his room or I can send him back to your quarters if you prefer.”

“Nah, I think I’ll wait if it’s all the same to you,” said Gwaine as he walked further into the room. “Anything I can help you with?” he asked as he placed the wineskin on the table. 

“Are you sure?” asked Gaius as he looked Gwaine up and down, assessing.

“Of course, that is, if you think I can actually help.”

Gaius nodded to himself. “If you can go into that cabinet over there,” he indicated with a slim, old finger, “I’ll need some dried mint and chamomile leaves.”

Gwaine made his way to the cabinet and ignored the more questionable bottles as he dug out the required herbs and made his way back to Gaius. “What’re you making?”

The closer Gwaine got the more he realized it was less of a potion and more of salve.

“Arthur requested a muscle-balming salve. It’s to help loosen the muscles and numb the aches, especially after a day of training. If I have any extra you’re welcome to have it,” answered Gaius, completely missing Gwaine’s despondent expression.

He knew just  _ who _ was going to have to apply that salve and he clenched his jaw so he wouldn’t blurt something hurtful out. 

“I would like that, thank you, Gaius,” finally said Gwaine. “Any other ingredients?”

“Actually, yes, if you can go to that closet over there and hand me some of the empty jars.”

As Gwaine made his way over Merlin barged into the room. 

“Gaius, you have  _ no  _ idea what Arthur wants me to do,” grumbled Merlin as he made his way over to Gaius. Gwaine got the containers silently, hoping to hear more.

“Merlin, you have a guest,” cut in Gaius smoothly, hoping to stime anything Merlin might say. 

“Oh,” said Merlin as he whirled around. “Gwaine!” Merlin chirped happily once he caught sight of the knight. “What are you doing here?” he asked as Gwaine made his way over.

“Here you go, Gaius,” said Gwaine as he handed over the empty containers. Gaius nodded to him in thanks. “Just wanted to see if you had some free time. I feel like  we’ve both been running around this whole week.” He picked up the wineskin and showed it to Merlin.

Merlin’s face let out a grin. “I know, I have time now. Prince Prat won’t need anything for the rest of the night. I won’t be free tomorrow though.”

“Here you go, Gwaine,” said Gaius as he cut into their conversation. He handed over a container to Gwaine and another to Merlin. “Make sure you really dig into those muscles, Merlin, it won’t work properly otherwise,” advised Gaius.

“Yes, yes, I know,” groaned out Merlin. “Come on, Gwaine,” he said as he turned his head toward his room. Gwaine took the wineskin and salve and followed after Merlin. 

“Good night, Gaius,” said Gwaine to the old man.

Gaius gave Gwaine a raised eyebrow and said nonchalantly, “Oh, are you planning to spend the night?”

Gwaine could feel his hands start to sweat as his face flushed lightly. He hadn’t ever had to deal with family members whenever a bedding partner was around and was completely caught off guard. Thankfully Merlin’s scandalized “Gaius!” was enough to get him moving again without making an even  _ greater _ fool of himself.

Once the door closed behind them Merlin let out a self-depreciating sigh. “Ignore, Gaius. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” said Merlin as he rubbed the back of his head nervously.

Gwaine forced the flush to leave his cheeks as he gave Merlin a salacious grin. “I don’t know, he might be onto something there,” he said as he wriggled his eyebrows. Merlin let out a brief chuckle as he moved further into the room and sat at the head of his bed after placing the salve at the side table. 

Gwaine had forgotten just how small Merlin’s room was and felt almost guilty again that he had just moved to Camelot and already had larger rooms than Merlin who had been with Arthur for at least a few years now. It made Gwaine wonder just  _ why _ Merlin wasn’t given the antechamber next to Arthur - surely the Prince would want his manservant within arms reach at all times. Maybe it was Merlin that didn’t want to move? Gwaine wasn’t sure but although he felt that Merlin deserved more it did make him feel better that Merlin was further away from Arthur. 

Gwaine loved the nostalgia that came with being back in Merlin’s room when he first woke up shirtless and to a beaming smile. It was definitely one of his more better memories. He placed his own salve down next to Merlin’s and meandered over to the window. It was night now and he could only see the city because of the bright stars and several of the torches scattered around the night guards. The view of the city was as beautiful as the first day he set his eyes upon it. He turned back toward Merlin and sat at the foot of the bed, wordlessly handing over the wineskin.

“Who did you manage to charm this time?” teased Merlin as he opened the wineskin and took a swig.

“Don’t remember. She had brown hair I think,” Gwaine answered with a shrug. He was not interested in one-night dalliances any longer and although no one would believe him, he had eyes for no one else either. He was lost the first time he had met Merlin, it just took him longer to realize what those feelings truly were. 

Gwaine was used to getting nothing and losing everything, but Camelot was a place of opportunities it seemed and Gwaine had never really cared for anything much in his life until now. It was time to shed who he had been and take matters into his own hands. Nothing worth having had ever come easy and Merlin was definitely worth having _ and  _ keeping. Now if only he knew where Arthur fit into all this then it would be much a simple matter. 

“They’re not going to give you much more if you can’t even remember their names,” chided Merlin as he handed the wineskin back.

Gwaine took a second to relish the fact that his and Merlin’s lips were inadvertently touching and maybe a bit of saliva was mixing as well before he took a drink. The wine went down smoothly and it warmed his stomach. “Well, then I’m sure I can count on you to charm them out of things for me in the future,” replied Gwaine with a wink.

“Cook hates me. She caught me stealing one too many dumplings,” replied Merlin with a laugh. He kicked off his boots and removed his coat, bunching it up behind him and resting his head against the soft leather. The last time Gwaine had seen that coat off of Merlin it was draped over an unconscious, poisoned Arthur. He wondered Arthur appreciated just how much Merlin did for him.

“That’s Cook. She hates everyone. Who you really need to get you to help is one of the maids; they’d do anything for a pretty face, I reckon,” said Gwaine, taking another drink before handing it back to Merlin again. He purposely made sure their fingers brushed and the warm touch went straight to his groin. Maybe drinking alone, at night, in Merlin’s tiny room wasn’t the best idea he’s had.

Merlin’s face lit up in a blush as he ducked his head shyly. Once he had it under control he looked up and took a drink. “Well then that means I won't have much luck,” he said, self-deprecatingly.

Gwaine scowled. “I don’t think you’ve ever looked into a mirror properly, Merlin. You have the prettiest face I’ve ever seen,” replied Gwaine with a grin, but his eyes were serious as they bored into Merlin’s.

Merlin looked stricken then shy once more. He didn’t seem to know what to say and instead took another drink. He must have rushed it because then he started choking. Gwaine leaned forward and took the wineskin from his hand before it spilled everywhere. He lightly pounded on Merlin’s back, hoping to help his friend.

“Sorry,” gasped out Merlin once he got his breath back. He looked up into Gwaine’s earnest eyes. “Thanks,” he said shyly. Gwaine wasn’t sure what he was being thanked for, but he nodded back all the same.

“Now tell me what you were raving about when you first came in,” segued Gwaine as he moved back to the foot of the bed.

Merlin let out a loud groan. “Arthur pulled a muscle earlier in practice today and he griped about it every chance he got. He made me give him a massage and complained the whole time. Told me to get some salve from Gaius and do it again tomorrow. Said if it wasn’t done properly this time I’ll end up in the stocks. I doubt he’s serious but it’s still annoying,” griped out Merlin. He reached back for the wineskin and took another chug. It was probably empty by now.  Gwaine took it back and finished it off.

Gwaine tried to will away the sudden jealousy at those words. “So what was the problem? It wasn’t like that was the first massage you’ve ever given.”

Merlin’s silence spoke more than words would have.

“Wait, it was?” Now he was even more jealous. 

Merlin just nodded as he stared at his hands as if trying to figure out what went wrong.

“Well, seems to me that all you need to do is practice,” replied Gwaine with a cheeky grin. Inwardly he was screaming at himself. Did he really offer himself as some sort of practice dummy in order for Merlin to massage  _ Arthur _ better?

Merlin looked at him as if he grew a second head and Gwaine felt he deserved that. Then his face hardened as he seemed to come to a decision. “Well, if you’re really willing to help, I would actually appreciate it,” said Merlin with a straight face and serious eyes.

Gwaine could only gape for a moment before he realized what Merlin had said. This was it. This was how he was going to die. He wanted to bang his head against a wall and maybe go back in time and take his words back.

Instead of that he gave Merlin another grin, got up from the bed and placed the empty wineskin on the floor then pulled off his tunic. He kicked off his shoes and kicked them off to the side. Inwardly he was happy he had taken a moment to scrub down earlier in the day. The last thing he wanted was to be dirty and sweaty in front of Merlin. 

“Where do you want me?” he asked with more confidence than he felt. Oh, he knew he had a great body. Many lovers had attested to such - it was just that he was about to have Merlin’s hands all over his naked back that made him nervous. The idea itself was enough to start getting him hard. He really did not want to make a fool of himself.

Merlin got up from the bed and tried not to look at Gwaine’s naked chest but he kept stealing side glances.

“The bed, on your front,” he answered thickly. He rolled up his sleeves and grabbed the extra salve that was meant for Gwaine. Gwaine whipped his hair lightly and shot Merlin a grin before he climbed on the bed once Merlin stood up.

“Just like old times,” Gwaine teased with a grin. “Is it weird to say that I’ve missed this bed?” asked Gwaine as he laid down and turned his head up to stare at Merlin under his lashes.

“Just a little,” huffed out Merlin as he opened the salve and took a dollop into his palm. “What makes you miss it?”

“First place I really felt safe, actually. It was a nice feeling,” answered Gwaine more truthfully than he intended. It seemed his mouth would forever run away from him whenever Merlin was around. In truth, he also missed how the bed smelled like Merlin and instead took a discreet sniff and had to urge his groin to not swell. Perhaps this really was a bad idea after all.

Merlin looked a little lost for words before he gathered himself. “Well, I’m glad my tiny room can bring you some sort of comfort,” he replied with a grin and sparkling eyes. Seemed like whatever Gwaine had said pleased him somehow and it made Gwaine’s insides squirm warmly.

Merlin sat on the edge of the bed and made sure to get both his palms slicked with the salve. “Ready?” he muttered as he leaned closer to Gwaine’s bare back. 

Gwaine gave Merlin an indulgent smile and nodded. Merlin’s hands were bliss. After the initial cold and wet feeling from the salve Merlin’s natural warmth bled through and Gwaine thought he could probably die happy. Then again, the massage was a bit terrible and the only good thing about it was that  _ Merlin _ was the one giving it to him.

“When you first massage the princess make sure you rub your hands together first. It’ll warm up the salve and make sure that your whole palm is covered,” muttered Gwaine as Merlin’s hands moved around his shoulders.

Gwaine caught Merlin’s nod from the corner of his eye. He wanted to crane his neck back in order to see if Merlin was being affected as much as he was but was unable to do so in his current position. 

“Dig deeper,” said Gwaine as Merlin’s hands just skimmed lightly across his shoulder blades. “Start with the shoulders and neck, use your fingers and apply more pressure,” continued on Gwaine. He felt Merlin adjusting himself, leaning further and putting more weight on his hands. His thin fingers were absolutely perfect as they massaged out some deep knots he didn’t even know he had. A low groan escaped him and he wasn’t sure if he was more mortified or if Merlin was.

Merlin’s hands left him quickly. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“It’s alright, Merlin. You didn’t hurt me. I assure you, that was a sound of pure pleasure.”

Merlin flushed and Gwaine rose up and rested on his elbows. “Are you alright?” he asked as he took in Merlin’s red face. This revelation made him smirk, completely pleased with himself.

“Y-yes, I’m fine,” stuttered out Merlin. “I was just surprised, that’s all. It’s good to know that what I’m doing is working. Go ahead and lay back down,” continued on Merlin after he coughed into his fist to clear his throat. Gwaine gave him a wink and made himself comfortable.

The next few minutes were spent  with Merlin’s increased massage-prowess and Gwaine’s low groans of pleasure. Every time a sound escaped Gwaine’s lips he could feel Merlin pause his ministrations for a moment but then come back to massage him with a new ferocity. Gwaine couldn’t recall the last time he had ever gotten a massage and especially one as sensual and pleasing as the one Merlin was giving him.

“You need better leverage if you plan on digging into those muscles, Merlin,” commented Gwaine. Merlin paused, lifting his palms from Gwaine’s lower back. 

“Really? You sounded like I was doing just fine,” Merlin teased as he sat back and slicked his hand in more of the salve.

“Of course you’re doing fine, Merlin. Why stop there? You could be doing fantastic. Now, climb on and really put your back into it,” replied Gwaine with all the innuendo he could muster. He turned his head purposely to catch sight of Merlin’s rosy cheeks.

“Sometimes I wonder if you and Arthur were brothers. You both enjoy teasing me too much,” muttered Merlin as he swung a leg over Gwaine’s and sat upon his thighs. Gwaine spluttered, completely indignant at Merlin’s insinuation.

“I am nothing like Arthur,” he said, trying for a joke but failing miserably. His words seemed to have come out angrier than he intended. He hated being compared to Arthur and failing short. Not only was Lancelot the  _ noblest of them all _ but being compared to Prince Perfect was just asking to fail.

Merlin seemed to catch onto Gwaine’s thoughts and tried to sooth the feelings away by running his hands lightly over Gwaine’s back softly, just his palm and fingertips skimming along Gwaine’s bare skin.

“There are worse people to be compared to, Gwaine,” chided Merlin lightly. “Besides, I think that you and Arthur do share some of the same qualities. Most of them is what makes you both such great knights, whether you believe it or not. You’re a good person, Gwaine. You care about people, you don’t want to see them hurt if you could do something about it, you are ready to defend those you care about until your dying breath - these are all wonderful things and nothing to be angry about. Arthur is a prat, you know this, but you aren’t - not really,” Merlin added with a tease. “You’re also more handsome than Arthur,” finally added Merlin softly. The only reason Gwaine heard them was because the room was so quiet and he was straining his ears to hear all of Merlin’s words.

He wasn’t used to people thinking these things about him. For so long he had lived alone, wandering from place to place and hardly staying long enough for anyone to get to know him; get to know the core of him. He and Merlin had only spent a few weeks together and already Merlin could read him so easily. It was frightening and exhilarating at the same time and it only made his love for Merlin grow all the more.

Merlin was such an enigma and even with all his kind words he was still no closer to figuring out if Merlin was interested in him or if he and Arthur had something going on. At least Merlin thought he was more handsome.

 

…

 

Merlin thought  _ he _ was  _ handsome _ ?!

 

Gwaine allowed his body to flip fluidly without dislodging Merlin. Merlin was still sitting on his thighs and his hands were splayed across Gwaine’s abs instead of his back as he reached over to steady himself. His palm was warm and slightly slick, his thin fingers splayed across Gwaine’s stomach, taking as much space as his hands allowed. Gwaine was enraptured and he was sure that Merlin could read the desire in his face. He tried to shut it away, not wanting to scare Merlin before he could figure out just where they stood with one another. He saw Merlin visibly gulp as his eyes raked down his body, his tongue slid across his lower lip unconsciously. 

Gwaine had to bite back a moan.

Gwaine’s mind was a maelstrom of emotions. On one hand he was excited, bold, and exhilarated. On the other hand he was nervous, confused, and unsure. He wanted to grab Merlin and tug him flush against his body. He wanted to kiss him and hold him and sleep in his arms. But he wasn’t sure what Merlin wanted; wasn’t sure what was allowed or if this was only to be a one-night thing. Gwaine was done with the simple pleasures flesh could bring. He wanted the messy emotions and the fights and the cuddling after they made up.

He wanted someone that  _ mattered _ . 

Instead of reaching out he retreated. He and Merlin lived in the same city now; he had time to help them build on this  _ connection _ that simmered between them. Merlin deserved to be courted properly and Gwaine fervently wished his advances were taken seriously and were welcomed.

(He also had to figure out just what Merlin and Arthur were to each other. He didn’t think he could bear it if he were a replacement or second choice)

“Handsome, you say?” Gwaine quipped as he folded his arms behind his head and smirked.

Merlin’s cheeks flushed red but he met Gwaine’s eyes directly. The slimmer man shrugged a shoulder. “I can’t be the first person to ever tell you that,” Merlin replied wryly. His warm fingers gently moved on Gwaine’s stomach, almost as if petting him.

Gwaine let out a laugh. “No, you really aren’t,” he replied as he sat up. It forced Merlin to slide off his thighs and rest on his knees. Merlin slowly drew his hands away from Gwaine’s body and placed them on his own knees as he sat back on his haunches. Gwaine missed their warmth immediately. He also noticed that Merlin’s open and teasing face had shuttered close, almost as if Gwaine not flirting back had made him nervous or upset.

_ Now that just would not do. _

“Merlin,” whispered Gwaine as he leaned forward and placed a palm along Merlin’s sharp cheek. He could feel warmth from Merlin’s blush seep into his hand and Gwaine craved to see just how far that blush went. He looked intently at Merlin, testing to see if encroaching on his personal space put the other man off but it seemed it only renewed Merlin’s interest and desire. 

Mentally steeling himself, Gwaine leaned even further and placed a gentle kiss on Merlin’s cheek while simultaneously stroking his other cheek with his thumb. He hoped the tenderness he was showing Merlin clued the other man in that he was not seeking a quick tumble but instead something more meaningful and at least semi-permanent. 

He felt as Merlin’s eyelashes fluttered shut against his own cheek, probably scraping lightly on his beard. Gwaine released a soft sigh and heard it echoed in his ear. Somehow it seemed as if Merlin got his message.

“Goodnight, Merlin,” said Gwaine as he gently nudged Merlin off his knees. He twisted his body so he was sitting on the bed, his feet on the floor. Merlin seemed deep in thought and Gwaine just smiled. Merlin’s brow was furrowed and he bit his lower lip gently as a series of emotions played out on his face. Gwaine tugged his boots on then stood to grab his tunic. He dressed efficiently, his years of practice coming in handy.

“Goodnight, Gwaine,” gently responded Merlin. Gwaine turned to look at him. Merlin seemed at ease and perhaps pleased about something. A small smile tugged on his lips and his eyes were a beautiful, deep blue. “And thanks for the massage lessons,” he added cheekily.

Gwaine chuckled. “Thanks for the massage, it was definitely my favorite,” he replied with a wink. Merlin just shot him a smug grin.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Merlin,” said Gwaine as he forced himself to stop looking at Merlin and turn toward the door. 

“Of course,” was Merlin’s reply just before the door closed behind him.

**+++**

Gwaine rushed to his room after tip-toeing past Gaius. His heart pounded in his chest in a mixture of exhilaration and desire. He let out a large, pleased grin as he leaned against the closed wooden door. He quickly moved to turn on a candle as there wasn’t much moonlight to see by and brought a taper to light the one closest to his bed as well. There he undressed completely before turning off both candles.

He tugged the blankets off the bed and climbed inside as he clutched his dirty tunic in his hand. His stomach and back were still a little slick from the massage. He ran his hand along his stomach and slicked up his hand. He gripped his cock and a low groan escaped his mouth. 

Gwaine closed his eyes as he recounted those slim, strong fingers moving across his shoulders and back. Merlin’s warm breath had tickled his neck and Gwaine just moved his hand slowly up and down, sometimes squeezing or doing an odd twist.

He tried to remember what Merlin smelled like, how deep his eyes looked, and how very red and very soft his lips looked. Imagination running rampant, Gwaine stroked himself to completion in record time, the crowning jewel being the taste of Merlin’s cheek when Gwaine kissed him. 

He hastily cleaned himself off with the tunic, tossed it to the floor, and curled up to go to sleep.

**+++**

He was awakened early by a random servant he didn’t ever remember seeing before. Apparently his presence was required. The servant didn’t seem to have any details so Gwaine quickly cleaned himself at the basin by his bed and dressed into trousers, a tunic, and his sword. He figured if Arthur were to send him on a quest he could change into his armor later.

Once at the throne room he could see Arthur seated on the throne at the dias, Merlin beside him twitching nervously. The room was filled with some nobles he hadn’t seen much of, Gaius, Leon, and Lancelot. Percival and Elyan arrived soon afterwards. They all stood around while an older man stood before Arthur and recounted his tale. It seemed that a large beast was attacking his village. The beast seemed to be a very large wolf, but the main difference seemed to be that it could sometimes walk on it’s hind legs, almost like a person. 

He could tell by Gaius’ eyebrows that he wasn’t going to like where this was going. Sure enough once the villager finished his story Gaius cut in, his face grim and solemn.

 

“My Lord,” he intoned as he turned to look at Arthur. Gwaine shifted his gaze from the Prince-Regent and looked at Merlin. It seemed he too had picked up on Gaius’ unease. Gwaine could feel dread pool into his stomach, but it also fluttered with some excitement. Although it seemed as if he just settled in at Camelot, Gwaine could admit he missed the forest, the fighting, and the adrenaline. He knew not everyone felt the same way he did, so he tried to curb his errant thoughts.

“Gaius, do you know what this creature is?” asked Arthur, his own face stony and unreadable. The only hint to his nervousness was the clenching of his hands on the armrests.

“It sounds like it could be a were-wulf,” answered Gaius. Before Gaius could continue, Arthur spoke again.

“Guinevere, can you please escort Daniel to a guest chamber and see that he receives a full meal.” Gwen curtsied and made her way over to the villager. “Daniel, thank you for your report. We will gather a few men and move out as soon as we can. Please stay and rest while you can.” The villager thanked Arthur as he bowed and twisted his hat in his hands. Gwen led him out of the room and the knights all moved closer to the throne.

“Continue, Gaius,” intoned Arthur.

“Sire. A were-wulf, from what I remember, is a wolf that once used to be a man,” said Gaius, his face serious and stiff. The old man ignored the gasps that were uttered and continued. “Legend says that the wolf-curse can be passed down from a single bite, but only on a full moon. Once a man is bit, he is cursed into a man-wulf, or were-wulf as they are more commonly known. It is unclear if they retain their human consciousness or if they ever transform back into a human. Most of these creatures usually reside far from Camelot, usually closer to Mercia.” Gaius looked at Merlin then back to Arthur.

“My Lord, these creatures are said to be at least five times as strong as a normal wolf and equally as vicious. They prey on anything when hungry, but it could be that they fixate on humans due to their previous form. Please be very careful.”

Gwaine saw Merlin stiffen as his eyes hardened. Part of him didn’t want Merlin to come. He didn’t want to see the other man hurt or worse, dead. However, he knew that if Arthur was going then there was no way Merlin was going to be left behind. Merlin had fought against impossible odds and had always come out alright - Gwaine had to have faith in that.

Arthur’s mouth was set into a grim line and his blue eyes were as hard as diamonds.

“We’ll ride in an hour. Merlin, Lancelot - I want you both to gather supplies for the journey and get the stable boys to prepare eight horses.” Both men nodded. They stood there for a moment. “Now, Merlin,” huffed out Arthur as he stood up from his seat and turned to look at his manservant. Merlin shot him a scowl, but it seemed neither man were really in the mood to bicker. Gwaine noticed that Lancelot and Leon were the only ones already dressed in armor before Merlin and Lancelot left the room.

“Elyan, Percival, go with Gaius and try to find out any more information about these  _ were-wulves _ .” The three men nodded and left the room. Gwaine faintly heard Elyan tell Gaius that they would meet him once they changed into their armor.

“Gwaine, with me,” said Arthur as he walked over. “Council dismissed. Also, make sure the preparations for the feast are put on hold. Hopefully we'll just have one more thing to celebrate upon our return.” The rest of the servants and nobles dispersed.

They walked in the direction of Arthur’s chambers. “You don’t really believe a wolf can turn a human into this creature, do you?” asked Gwaine. 

Arthur snorted, but then responded seriously. “If you had asked me that a few years ago I would have said ‘no’. As it stands, I have experienced far too much since I’ve become Crown Prince to ignore Gaius’ warnings and villager sightings.”

They made it into Arthur’s chambers and Gwaine looked around. It was the first time he had actually stepped into the room. It was much larger than his own space but seemed to contain just a few more pieces of furniture. He also felt a little jealous when he spotted little things that could have only belonged to Merlin or have been done by Merlin. On the small table by the bed was a blue cloth that Gwaine would swear was one of Merlin’s neckerchiefs. By the window was a small flower vase with a single yellow flower that Gwaine recalled Merlin picking just a few days ago. On the large dining table were two goblets that Gwaine could only assume were once filled with wine. 

All the little nuances made his stomach clench. It was almost as if Merlin  _ lived _ in Arthur’s room and he hated just how much that idea bothered him.

“So, why are we meeting here instead of you giving me my orders in the throne room?” asked Gwaine as he folded his arms across his chest. 

Arthur looked a bit uncomfortable at his words, but still straightened his back and gaze.

“I need you to look after Merlin for me. He tends to jump head first into things and I can’t keep an eye on him and think to fight this beast at the same time.”

Gwaine could only stare at Arthur in complete shock. He had no idea how to feel at the moment.

On one hand he was annoyed that Arthur even had to  _ ask _ for him to look after Merlin, as if it wasn’t already a given that Gwaine was going to have an eye on the taller man. On the other hand he was concerned that Arthur was actually asking someone to look after Merlin. As far as he knew Arthur had never actively sought to protect Merlin before. If anything, if Arthur wanted Merlin to be safe it would make more sense to leave the other man in Camelot. However, it seemed that although Arthur wanted Merlin to be safe he also wanted him to come along.

Gwaine could feel dread pooling in his stomach. 

_ Did this mean that Merlin and Arthur were together? _

Gwaine felt his heart stutter, but he drew himself together. There was a time and a place to feel jealousy, but right before a dangerous mission was not it.

“Of course I’m going to keep an eye on him. Why bring him along if you’re so worried though?” Gwaine asked, unable to help himself.

“He’d come anyway. This way I can make sure he doesn’t hurt himself in the process,” answered Arthur, as if the words were spoken by experience. Gwaine had to admit that it was very true as scenes from the Fisher King’s castle played through his mind. It seemed Merlin really had a knack for finding himself in all sorts of trouble that he had no reason being in.

Gwaine gave Arthur a roguish grin. “Alright, princess. I’ll look after your little lover boy for you,” he teased and then internally cringed. That really wasn’t what he had meant to say at all. By the increasing look of rage on Arthur’s face it also seemed to be the  _ wrong _ thing to say. He wasn’t sure if the red on Arthur’s cheeks was from embarrassment, anger, or both.

“Get out,” Arthur hissed. “And send Merlin here. He should be at the stables or kitchen by now.”

Gwaine realized that he had just stepped over some invisible line. This wasn’t the Arthur he had met fighting in a tavern, or the Arthur being grossed out by bugs, nor was he the Arthur that he had fought in the slaver’s keep. This Arthur was very much a Prince, the man next in line to be King. As a sworn knight ( _ that still took some getting used to _ ) Gwaine had just insulted his Lord and Liege and even he had enough self-preservation to leave once the chance was presented to him.

With as much humbleness and respect he could muster, Gwaine bowed, his fist held tightly across his heart, and walked out.

**+++**

Gwaine had caught up with Merlin outside the kitchens. He snagged a quick breakfast, passed on Arthur’s message through clenched teeth, and left as quick as he could toward the armory. 

**+++**

All the knights met at the courtyard, their horses saddled and piled with supplies. The villager was also provided a horse as he was to accompany them back to his village. There wasn’t much new information gleaned from Gaius’ books. The only new thing they learned was the origin of the were-wulf. Apparently it was originally thought to be a god of beasts, but was killed by a man that had once prayed to him. The Wolf God was tricked by the man but before dying he cast the curse on the man and bit him. Gwaine hated people sometimes.

Gwaine cast looks at both Merlin and Arthur but it seemed they were both too busy with one another that neither noticed him.

“Ready for your first quest?” asked Elyan as his horse sidled closer to his own.

“I’d hardly call this my first quest. Could possibly be my fourth,” teased Gwaine, trying to get the image of Merlin and Arthur smiling at each other out of his head. The group left the courtyard with Arthur and Merlin in the lead, followed by Leon and Percival, Lancelot and the villager in the middle and Gwaine with Elyan taking up the rear. The sun was high in the air as it was already closer to midday. The village seemed to be a days ride from Camelot and they were going to have to spend at least one night in the forest. Gwaine wasn’t sure how he was suppose to protect Merlin from all the way in the back, but it seemed this was just Arthur’s way at disciplining him.

“Fourth!?” exclaimed Elyan. “You’re a very busy man, Gwaine,” he said, admiration coating his words.

“Nah, I mostly tagged along with Arthur and Merlin on their quests. They could use all the help they could get,” said Gwaine with a wink. Elyan laughed lightly. 

“They sure are something else,” said Elyan softly as he looked at the two men leading the knights. “I guess if I included instances like that this could be considered my third quest, although I was prisoner one of those times.”

Gwaine shrugged. “I’d count it. I was captive by a slave trader and forced to fight others in order to live another day. I consider that a quest since Merlin and Arthur showed up. I tagged along as they searched for the Cup of Life.”

Elyan rolled his eyes at the mention of slave traders, but shudder at the mention of the Cup. “Well, hopefully this one won’t end in open warfare for the kingdom,” he said lightly.

  
The rest of the afternoon was spent in idle talk. The knights would switch positions every now and then, except for Merlin and Arthur who spent the whole way together, trading light insults and strategy. Gwaine tried to not let this bother him, but it still did.

As evening came Arthur called a halt to their group. There was no reason to continue on and stumble through the forest in the dark. They hadn’t stopped for lunch and everyone was starving by this point. Gwaine’s legs felt as if they had fallen asleep and even the apple he had an hour ago did nothing to curb his appetite. 

Merlin started unloading his and Arthur’s horse while Arthur met with Leon. Gwaine went over to help Merlin as he noticed everyone else was busy unloading their own horses. 

“Need some help?” he asked as he took the bedroll from Merlin’s arms.

Merlin looked at him in surprise, but then a smile brushed across his face. “Thanks, but I think I got it. You should probably finish unpacking your things before offering to help,” Merlin said with a grin.

“Merlin, stop bothering Sir Gwaine,” called out Arthur as he stepped away from Leon and made his way over.

Merlin shot Arthur an annoyed look. 

“Sorry Princess, I was the one bothering him,” Gwaine confessed. Arthur turned to look at him with a glare. The Prince quickly smoothed his features into nonchalance, but Gwaine saw it anyway. 

Arthur turned to look at Merlin then back to Gwaine. Slowly a sly grin crept onto his face as he slung an arm across Merlin’s shoulders. “Set up our tent first, won’t you Merlin?” asked Arthur as he looked directly at Gwaine, as if challenging him. “And Gwaine? Merlin’s right, you should probably unpack your things first.”

Gwaine’s shoulders tensed when Merlin didn’t deny that he was going to be sharing a tent with Arthur and he forced himself to send Merlin a strained smile. “Sure thing, Arthur.” He turned and walked back to his horse, his fist clenched tightly at his side. He faintly heard Merlin mutter something to Arthur but wasn’t close enough to hear any real words. It almost sounded like Merlin was scolding Arthur.  _ If only… _

**+++**

All the knights except for Merlin and Arthur had only a bedroll to sleep on. A fire was in the middle of their encampment as they arranged their bedrolls around it. The fire had been going for a while and looked like it might die down soon. The villager, Daniel, was placed in between Leon and Lancelot. Night fell slowly and thankfully the sky was clearer than yesterday. Gwaine could see pretty well by the stars and moon, their light fairly strong. They had settled around the fire with their water skins and packed dinner. Arthur had wanted to avoid hunting since the creature mostly hunted at night. He didn’t want anyone wandering around alone and unprotected. Gwaine tried to strike up conversation with Merlin but the other man was busy running around the camp and tending to the horses while he had been roped into a story competition with Percival, Lancelot, and Elyan. Leon and Arthur were setting up a perimeter and a watch schedule. 

When Merlin finally settled down he sat himself between Lancelot and Daniel. He talked to the villager softly and the man seemed calmed that someone who was not a knight nor the Prince was talking to him. Merlin’s brow furrowed and his face looked worried the longer they talked. Gwaine was about to call out to him when Elyan jabbed him in his side.

“What is it?” he turned to ask. Elyan wriggled his eyebrows at him as he canted his head toward Merlin.

Gwaine just eyed him like he was crazy. Elyan rolled his eyes and jerked his head toward Merlin. Gwaine felt bad for Elyan’s neck - he really shouldn’t be moving it like that.

Percival just laughed. “You might need to be less subtle,” he said to Elyan. Elyan let out a large sigh.

“You and Merlin?” he asked lowly with a sly grin.

Gwaine’s own eyebrows shot upwards in his own shock. It wasn’t that he was trying to hide his feelings for Merlin, he just hadn’t realize that he had been projecting so much that these two had picked up on it. 

Percival leaned closer as to better hear Gwaine’s answer.  _ Were they gossiping women or something? _

“No, but maybe sometime soon,” Gwaine confessed. He forced his cheeks not to blush. The last thing he needed was to give them any ammunition to tease him with. 

“Really?” asked Elyan, a little too invested. 

“Why do you say it like that?” asked Gwaine as he eyed the other knight shrewdly. 

Elyan looked to Percival then back to Gwaine. “Just seemed like you two were together. Heard you invited him over to your rooms the other week,” he answered as Percival nodded. 

Gwaine wasn’t really sure what to make out of that statement. It was true after all, but why were they gossiping about him and Merlin? And he and Merlin looked like they were together? Gwaine had to admit that left him with a warm feeling in his heart.

“Might have. But it was just to catch up. I’ve never really stayed in one place for so long and Merlin is really the only person aside from Arthur that I really know. Besides, there’s no way I’m inviting the Princess for a night cap.” Elyan and Percival both laughed lightly at that.

“I understand how you feel. Since I’ve met Lancelot I haven’t had a real place to call home either. Although this is somewhat new to me I still am looking forward to building a life in Camelot,” said Percival.

“It’s weirder for me. I’ve lived in Camelot before and being back has brought back many memories. Some things stayed the same, but the more I look the more I realize that a lot more has changed. Honestly, I blame Merlin for it,” replied Elyan as he turned to look at Merlin.

Merlin was now conversing with both Lancelot and Daniel. They laughed lightly at something Merlin had said. Gwaine’s heart thudded at the sight of Merlin’s large smile. 

Arthur and Leon returned to the camp before Gwaine could muster a response.

“Alright, Leon and Gwaine, you’ll both be taking first watch, second watch will be Percival and Elyan and if needed Lancelot and I will take third. Lancelot, did you place your bedroll near Daniel?” 

Lancelot nodded.

“Good. Try to keep an eye on him. Merlin, come with me. You need to get more wood for the fire.” Without looking to see if Merlin was following, Arthur turned around and headed into the forest away from their encampment.

Merlin rolled his eyes good-naturedly and jogged to catch up. “Wait, Arthur,” he huffed out as he passed the knights.

The former warmth around his heart froze and Gwaine hated just how much Merlin and Arthur’s interactions got to him. He felt he had a right to be jealous and he was nowhere near finding out if they were indeed and item. 

_ They were going to share a tent all night... _

Gwaine shook his head at the thought and made his way over to Leon. Elyan and Percival shot him concerned glances but he ignored them. They shuffled away toward their own bedrolls, hoping to catch some sleep before their watch. Daniel and Lancelot settled down too. They murmured lightly for a while.

“I’ll take North, you take East?” asked Gwaine.

Leon nodded. “That sounds fine with me.” They both took out their swords and walked to their respective spots. Leon was a hard person to understand and Gwaine was still trying to get a read on the other man. They didn’t have much in common aside from being knights (& nobles -  _ but no one had to know about that little fact) _ and didn’t have anything to really talk about. 

Gwaine tried to peer through the darkness for Merlin and Arthur. Before he completely settled he heard a  _ schwing _ of a drawn sword and Merlin shout Arthur’s name. All the knights scrambled to their feet, swords in hand. Elyan and Percival put Daniel between the two of them while Lancelot and Leon jogged to meet up with Gwaine.

Crashing through the forest were Merlin and Arthur as they were being chased by a ginormous wolf, or in this case, the were-wulf. The creature was hideous and tall on it’s hind legs. It’s snout was the length of Gwaine’s forearm while it’s body easily came to Percival’s height, maybe even surpassing it. It’s entire body was covered in thick, dark brown fur and spittle was flying from it’s mouth as it snarled. It’s eyes look crazed as it took in the rest of the knights.

Gwaine was glad that they lured the creature over since it was starting to get harder to see even with all the moonlight. The campfire was low but thankfully it was still visible enough.

“On me!” called out Arthur as Merlin stumbled past him to hide behind a tree. Gwaine rushed over along with Lancelot, Leon, and Elyan, leaving Percival alone to take care of the villager.

Gwaine spared a glance at Merlin but he seemed perfectly safe for the moment. It looked as if he managed to get a sword somehow as well. _ Thank goodness. _

Gwaine’s heart pounded as his body flooded with adrenaline. He could hear his pulse thudding loudly as he readied himself for a fight. He purposely placed his body between Merlin and the were-wulf as per Arthur’s orders. The knights stood at the ready, waiting for the creature to make the first move. The wolf stayed still and the knights steadily flanked around it, trapping it between them. Gwaine and Arthur were close together and both turned to look at one another. Arthur murmured “on three” and Gwaine nodded in return. He counted silently in his head and on three both he and Arthur lunged forward, swords pointed and ready to strike. 

Gwaine’s thrust missed, but it made the wolf dodge to the side and directly into Arthur’s own attack. The sword seemed to slide into the wolf easily. It seemed that aside from just being more vicious and bigger, it really was just like any other wolf. Blood oozed out of the wound once Arthur pulled his sword back. The creature let out a loud howl, it’s face straining toward the sky. The other knights used that as an opportunity to lunge forward and attack as well. The creature dodged many of their attacks and managed to backhand Elyan back into a tree. He heard Leon yell out something but could not make out the words.

Gwaine took a few seconds to look back toward the tree Merlin had been hiding behind and let out a relieved sigh to see the other man still there. Merlin’s eyes were fixated on Arthur as they shifted quickly between the wolf and the Prince.

Gwaine turned back to the fight when another piercing howl cut through the forest.

“The wolf that attacked our village was white!” yelled out the villager where he was hiding behind Percival. Gwaine could feel his face forming a frown as he tightened the hold on his sword, lightly swaying on his feet, ready to pounce toward the wolf when an opening presented itself.

He slashed forward again and managed to nick the wolf on its arm. Before he could attack again something heavy and hard knocked him to the ground. He heard Merlin yell out his name, his voice desperate and worried. Gwaine spared a moment to bask in the fact that Merlin cared so much for him.

He scrambled to his feet, but a large  _ paw _ knocked him off his feet once more. Arthur rushed to his side and Percival was there suddenly as well. The villager was probably hiding somewhere, maybe with Merlin.

Percival grabbed onto his arm and yanked him to his feet. Gwaine was happy he still had a hold on his sword. Arthur slung his sword at the white wolf that had tackled Gwaine down and hit it on its side. Its blood stained its fur but it didn’t look like the wound was anything serious. As he took in his surroundings again he noticed that Elyan was back in the fray and the brown wolf was looking a little worse for wear. He wanted to look for Merlin but didn’t have any time as the white wolf slung its face over to stare at him. 

The white wolf let out a mixture of a howl and a snarl, snapping its jaw close to his face. Gwaine took a few steps backwards quickly as Percival used the moment to slash his own sword. He caught the beast on its thigh and it stumbled forward. Arthur came up behind it and stabbed it on its side, making sure to get his sword in the creature deeply. A whine escaped the were-wulf as it stumbled away. 

It used its massive paw and placed it over its side-wound. It was such a human gesture that Gwaine found himself faltering for a moment. The brown wolf let out another loud howl that echoed through the otherwise silent forest before it ended in a whine as Lancelot and Leon stabbed it from two opposing sides as Elyan distracted it.

The white wolf let out a pained sound once it realized the brown wolf was down. Leon slammed his sword against the brown wolf’s neck, making sure it was dead. Gwaine took a moment to catch his breath and looked around for Merlin but the other man was nowhere to be found. He could feel his heart thud painfully in his chest as panic slowly filled him.

_ Where was Merlin?! _

He turned his head around the small clearing but still didn’t see him. He had to turn his head back to the white wolf when Arthur yelled “On me!” once again.

He scrambled over but before they could all attack the white wolf he heard Merlin shout, “ARTHUR!” 

The next few seconds were absolutely chaotic. Elyan, Percival and Lancelot stabbed the white wolf and killed it, Gwaine felt his face splatter in blood, and Arthur was on the ground with Merlin sprawled across his back. 

Gwaine turned his head and took in a large, black wolf. Gwaine had no idea where it had come from, but he could see how they missed it. It’s fur was as dark as the night around them. It sat on it’s haunches and let out the most heartbreaking sound Gwaine had ever heard before it fluidly got back to it’s feet. 

“MERLIN!” shouted both Lancelot and Arthur. Lancelot scrambled over to Merlin’s fallen body while Arthur held onto Merlin’s shoulder. Blood spilled between his fingers and slid down his arm, staining the ground crimson.

Gwaine saw red. He wanted nothing more than to run over to Merlin and hold him in his arms. He was beyond rage at the moment. He was tasked to take care of Merlin but he failed and now Merlin might die. He distantly heard voices and snapping twigs as Elyan, Percival and Leon got closer to him.

His insides ran cold and his heart stilled in his chest. Gwaine’s vision narrowed to only the black wolf as he advanced lethally. He let out his own snarl as he jumped forward and stabbed the wolf. He thought he felt someone’s hand on his arm in order to pull him back, but he shrugged it off and went back into the fray again. He’s slashed nonstop and landed a few solid hits before the were-wulf backhanded him. He rolled on the ground when he fell and scrambled to his feet soon after. Elyan and Percival took his spot as he was forced to circle behind the wolf with Leon. He saw a flash of gold from the corner of his eye and his mind mentally supplied that Arthur had joined them. While Percival and Elyan danced in front of the wolf, their swords drawn and feinting, Gwaine took one more shot and felt as his sword slid right into the wolf’s spine. The warmth of blood spilled over his hand and trailed into his armor. Offhandedly he thought just how hard it was going to be to get the chainmail clean again.

The wolf stumbled forward and it fell on it’s chest. Gwaine pulled his sword from the beast’s body and thrusted it right back in. Faintly he could feel his face pulled into a snarl as he raged. He couldn’t decide on what he was feeling. A mixture of anger at the beast but mostly at himself filled him.

  
“It’s done, you’re done,” said Percival low into his ear as he clasped Gwaine’s shoulder with a heavy hand. Elyan sidled up to his other side and gently removed his sword from his hand. He felt numb inside and turned his head to look toward Merlin’s fallen body. Gwaine’s eyes looked dead. He stumbled forward, shrugging his shoulder so Percival could let go of him. Arthur beat him to Merlin’s body. Lancelot had been whispering fervently into Merlin’s ear as he held onto the wound to staunch the bleeding.

“How is he?” asked Arthur, his voice thick and eyes hard. Gwaine wondered how he could look so closed off at the moment but guessed it had to go with the whole  _ being a prince _ thing. Gwaine, on the other hand, did not have that kind of control over his emotions. Gwaine could feel tears on his face but could not find any words. He felt choked up as he waited for Lancelot to answer.

Gwaine stumbled over and fell to his knees. His hand reached toward Merlin but dared to not actually touch him, no matter how much he wanted to. His hands felt hot as he clenched them into fists. Merlin’s head was lolled onto Lancelot’s lap as the other knight continued to hold onto Merlin tightly.

“He’s lost a good amount of blood but the wound isn’t as deep as we first thought,” answered Lancelot, his face grave and concerned.

“Elyan, grab Merlin’s bag. He should have some medical supplies,” commanded Arthur. His face crumpled slightly and Gwaine could see how tense his shoulders were and how rigidly he was holding himself. Gwaine could feel the guilt well up again. He was supposed to have been looking after him.  _ It was all his fault… _

He wished that Arthur would just yell at him already so he could go and wallow in his guilt over inadvertently hurting the person he cared about most in the world. Elyan returned and handed the bag over to Arthur who crouched down.

“Leon, Percival, Elyan, go check on Daniel and see if you could move those wolves into a pile. We’ll make a pyre before we escort Daniel back to his village. Check on the horses before that,” commanded Arthur. It seemed the rest of the knights could tell how tense Arthur was as well. They did as commanded without a word. He caught Elyan and Percival shooting him worried looks while Leon just looked at him in slight confusion.

_ Me and you both, friend. _ Thought Gwaine sardonically. He had no idea what Arthur was playing at by not making him do any work. It was like he was not only useless at protecting Merlin but also at taking care after a battle. Gwaine hated himself just a little.

“Gwaine,” Arthur began softly, as if speaking louder was going to scare Gwaine away. Gwaine admitted that he was skittish, but mostly because he expected a rant and more yelling by this point.

“I need you to help me pull off Merlin’s tunic.” Oh and how he wished undressing Merlin could go any other way except this one. A crooked little part of him even grimaced that he was even sharing this part of Merlin with Arthur.

Gwaine nodded and moved to help. Together they shifted the tunic off, having to gently peel it from the wound and congealing blood. Merlin moaned softly as the movement caused him some pain. Lancelot shifted Merlin when necessary and finally they were able to see the wound clearly. It was jagged and some of the skin was flayed off. The wound wasn’t as deep just as Lancelot had said and Gwaine breathed out a sigh of relief at that. 

He wanted to say something to break up the sombre mood but he just didn’t have it in him. 

Arthur let out a small gasp as his eyes turned both sad and serious. His lips twisted in a grimace as he dug into Merlin’s bag again. He cursed lightly as his hands fumbled around and Gwaine wanted to rip the bag away from him but didn’t have the guts to do so.  _ Didn’t have the right. _

Finally Arthur dug out the spare water skin and uncorked it. He dribbled some of the water into the open wound and flushed out the blood. He used a bandage to clean away the blood that was obstructing the sight of the wound. Gwaine felt his stomach twist into knots.

Merlin moaned again as his eyelashes fluttered. His breathing hitched and he looked like he was coming around. 

“Ar’hur,” Merlin murmured as he tried to force his eyes open. Gwaine felt his heart ache in despair. Of course Merlin would still be worried after Arthur. He had almost gotten himself killed while protecting the Prince. What had he expected? That Merlin would call out for him? Gwaine bit his lip and clenched his fists tighter.

“Arthur!” yelled out Merlin suddenly as he came into full awareness before Arthur could even reply. He sat up and almost knocked his head into Lancelot’s chin. Merlin let out a sharp sound of pain and was about to clutch at his injured shoulder. 

“Stop, you idiot,” admonished Arthur lowly, his voice soft and somewhat gravelly. He looked relieved and happy now that Merlin was awake. Arthur’s eyes were still filled with worry, but the tenseness that had enveloped his body suddenly disappeared. He grabbed Merlin’s hand and held it tightly.

Gwaine swallowed thickly as he looked at Arthur. He had never seen Arthur like this; so open with his affections for Merlin. Gwaine’s heart squeezed in his chest and he had to look away for a moment.

Merlin hissed in pain again, but his body loosened once he realized that Arthur was alright. He didn’t take his hand back and Gwaine tried not to scowl.

“I’ll be alright,” said Merlin, his voice weak and face pale.

Arthur glared at him. “Of course you will, you worthless excuse of a manservant,” replied Arthur without any real heat in his words. He gently took his hand back. “Now let me wrap your wound up.”

Merlin shot Arthur a small smile and relaxed as much as he could.

“I’m glad you’re alright, Merlin,” said Lancelot. The other knight had moved a bit away from them when Merlin had woken up in order to give them some privacy. Gwaine hadn’t moved an inch.

“Thanks, Lancelot,” he said as he turned to look at the knight, his eyes twinkling in mirth. Lancelot gave Merlin a wink and smiled at him. 

“Anytime, my friend,” said Lancelot. “I’ll go and help the others with our camp,” he said gently. He didn’t leave until Arthur gave him a nod of acknowledgement. 

_ Stupid, noble, perfect Lancelot _ , Gwaine inwardly grumbled, but with no real feeling. It wasn’t Lancelot’s fault that he was perfect and Gwaine just screwed everything up.

“Gwaine, you alright?” asked Merlin worriedly. Gwaine looked up from where he had seen Lancelot leave and turned to look back at Merlin. Arthur seemed to ignore them as he continued to fuss over Merlin’s wound. Gwaine wasn’t sure if he was thankful or not for Arthur’s presence at the moment.

“I should be asking you that, Merlin,” Gwaine replied. “But yes, I’m fine.”

Merlin’s gaze penetrated him as it ran up and down his body, taking in any indiscrepancies.

“Are you sure? You don’t look alright,” Merlin replied. He lifted his hand toward Gwaine but Gwaine flinched away. He didn’t deserve Merlin’s sympathy; not after he failed him so miserably.

Merlin’s face fell as he took his hand back. He turned away from Gwaine and looked back at Arthur. Gwaine felt like a complete  _ ass _ . He had no right to make Merlin look that way and now the guilt came back tenfold. 

Merlin and Arthur stared at each other, silently communicating the only way those two seemed to be able to do.

“We will talk about this when I’m back home, Merlin,” Arthur stated, leaving no room for arguments.

“You mean, when we’re  _ both _ home,” corrected Merlin, a grin on his face. Arthur grinned back before he could help himself. He forced his lips into a scowl.

“ _ No _ ,” he drawled, “I will finish the journey to the village and you will be going back to Camelot to see Gaius,” admonished Arthur as he glared at Merlin, daring the other man to argue with him.

Gwaine was glad that Arthur wasn’t going to persist that Merlin finish the quest with them and his own estimation of Arthur’s qualities as a good future king rose again.

“Arthur, no, I’m coming with you,” complained Merlin in a voice that bordered on whining.

Arthur tied up the bandage tightly. “ _Mer_ lin, you are going to Camelot and make sure that your wound is properly looked after. I doubt we’ll be encountering any more of these beasts anymore.”

Merlin glared back. “No Arthur, I need to be here,” said Merlin stubbornly, his eyes pleading with Arthur.

“Dammit, Merlin!” growled out Arthur, seemingly forgetting that Gwaine was right there. Whenever Merlin and Arthur got into their little talks it seemed the rest of the world ceased to exist. “I am not risking you getting some kind of infection and keeling over after all the work I did to make sure you’re alright,” said Arthur as he voice lost it’s vehemence and instead he just stared hard at Merlin.

Merlin stared at Arthur a bit then sighed loudly. “Fine, if it makes you feel better,” he huffed out jokingly.

“Your care for my delicate sensibilities is well noted, Merlin,” teased Arthur with a grin. Merlin laughed at that and ended up jostling his shoulder. He bit back a hiss, but his face scrunched up into a grimace.

“That’s it. We can’t sleep here and it might be a little late to go traveling, but you should probably start making your way back once you feel fit enough to ride,” said Arthur more seriously. “Gwaine will escort you back,” said Arthur as he turned to face Gwaine.

Gwaine could feel his throat constrict as he forced his voice to come out normally instead of a rasp of air he expected. “Maybe Lancelot?” he replied and immediately wanted to take the words back as Arthur’s face hardened and Merlin’s face crumpled in agony.

“That wasn’t really a request, Gwaine. I need someone who will protect Merlin’s life with their own,” was Arthur’s reply. Gwaine could feel ice through his veins. Arthur’s face was stony and closed off, not giving any of his emotions away. He vainly heard Merlin choking for air as he coughed.

Gwaine looked at Arthur dubiously. He wanted to argue. He wanted to scream that  _ he had already failed! _

He had already failed and he couldn’t believe that Arthur was trusting him with his precious Merlin again. Gwaine wanted to grab Arthur by the shoulders and shake him.

“He doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to, Arthur. I’m sure Lancelot would be fine, or I can just go by myself,” said Merlin in a soft voice, trying for nonchalance and failing. Gwaine hid a twitch as Merlin’s words hit a nerve. It wasn’t that he  _ didn’t _ want to, it was that he didn’t trust himself at the moment.

“Shut up, Merlin,” Arthur replied without taking his eyes off Gwaine. Gwaine could only nod solemnly and he wished he could be anywhere else but here. 

“Alright. Merlin, try to get some rest and not ruin all my hard work,” said Arthur as he stood up.

Merlin grinned up at him. “And get rid of the evidence of your once-in-a-lifetime hard work?” he mock gasped. Arthur playfully glared at him.

“Careful, or it’ll be the stocks once you’re well enough,” he teased. Merlin chuckled. 

“But then who would get you ready for the feast?”

“I’m sure George can dress me more efficiently and I wouldn’t have to bother with him nattering on.”

“Like you’d let that toad anywhere near you,” Merlin pouted and glared at Arthur.

Arthur’s whole body shook with his laughter. “No, you’re right. I don’t think I want anyone else dressing me,” he replied. (Gwaine tried not to read into that statement too much.) “Especially George,” he said with a mock shudder. “Did you hear his latest joke?” Arthur asked Merlin, his eyes swimming in mirth.

“Oh God, no please,” Merlin said as he scrambled to his feet, ready to run away.

Arthur smirked in triumph. “Keep up your snark and I’ll make sure you hear it next time you’re polishing armor in the armory.”

Merlin looked horrified, but it soon gave way to a smile. “Alright alright, I’m going,” he said as he made a show of backing up, his eyes never straying from Arthur’s. Arthur just shook his head, resigned. 

“Come on,” he said as he turned to walk away.

“I’ll be right there,” replied Merlin. Arthur turned back and gave Gwaine and Merlin and indescribable look. He nodded and turned back toward the camp.

Throughout their whole interaction Gwaine couldn’t decide if he was pleased that Merlin was well enough to joke or sad that it wasn’t done with him. It seemed a stupid thing to be sad about but it didn’t help lessen the hurt he felt.

Merlin turned to look at him and Gwaine whispered out, “Merlin?”

Merlin’s eyes looked deep and so so blue. “Gwaine, is there a reason you don’t want to accompany me back to Camelot? If you really don’t want to go I’ll speak to Arthur,” said Merlin, his voice soft and hurt. Gwaine felt himself flinch and he looked away.

“It’s not that,” he mumbled, trying to find the right words and failing. He owed Merlin an explanation though - anything to get rid of that look on his face. “Merlin, it’s my fault you got hurt,” finally confessed Gwaine, trying to ease his own guilt as well.

Merlin looked at him perplexed.

Gwaine sighed as he stepped closer to Merlin and gripped his arms. Merlin looked straight into his eyes and said, “Gwaine, it’s no one’s fault but mine that I got hurt.” He looked so determined that Gwaine almost believed him.

“No, you just don’t understand!” he snapped out as he hung his head in defeat, unable to continue looking Merlin in the face.

Merlin just shook his head in confusion. “Then make me understand because I don’t see how me getting in the way of the were-wulf was anyones fault but my own,” said Merlin, eyes serious and intent.

Gwaine let out a huge sigh as he gathered his courage. He looked back up at Merlin, imploringly. “Arthur put me in charge of you. I was suppose to look out for you and make sure you didn’t get hurt, but I lost track of you during the fight and now you’re so damn hurt that you have to go back to Camelot and it’s all my fault!” Gwaine griped aloud as his eyes filled with guilt and despair.

Merlin just looked at him as if he was crazy, or maybe it was concern. He extracted his arms away from Gwaine’s hold and instead gripped Gwaine’s shoulder tightly. “Gwaine, listen to me. I don’t blame you, Arthur doesn’t blame you, and in any case, Arthur should not have even put that responsibility on you,” said Merlin, calm and stern.

Gwaine shook his head. “I wanted to look out for you regardless of Arthur’s request and I still let you get hurt.”

Merlin let out an exasperated sigh. “Gwaine, I’m serious. It’s not your fault and I’m sorry if you feel that way, but you shouldn’t. I’m the one that decided to jump in front of that attack and I would do it again if it meant protecting any of you. Please don’t feel bad.”

Gwaine sucked in some air and held it in his lungs for a moment. He looked deeply into Merlin’s blue eyes and his guilt alleviated at the sincerity reflected in them. He huffed out a small chuckle and gave Merlin a tight hug, aware of not aggravating Merlin’s wound.

“Thanks,” he managed to get out. Merlin returned the hug with one arm and placed a gentle kiss on his temple. It was so soft that Gwaine figured he must have imagined it.

“Now can we go back to Camelot? I hate to say this, but I think Arthur is right and I should really get this looked after,” said Merlin as teasingly as he could manage. Gwaine let go of him slowly.

“Of course, sorry, let me just take care of our horses and we can go.” Gwaine walked away and talked with Lancelot, who had already packed most of their belongings. When he glanced back at Merlin he found him talking quietly to Arthur. Arthur looked Gwaine’s way and raised an eyebrow. Gwaine wasn’t sure what that meant - he didn’t speak  _ Arthur-ese  _ like Merlin did - so he just flashed him a grin and finished packing up.

In a few moments he was joined by Merlin and Arthur. “All ready? Make sure he doesn’t jostle his arm too much, so you might want to take it slow for a bit, especially in this darkness,” said Arthur. Merlin shot the prince a small glare but it went ignored by both of them. He huffed out an annoyed sigh and pouted on his way toward his horse. Arthur looked at Merlin’s retreating back with soft eyes.

“Gwaine, I spoke to Merlin,” said Arthur, his tone and eyes serious once looking at the knight. Gwaine winced.  _ Here we go… _

“I don’t blame you for Merlin’s injury. Honestly, it was probably bound to happen anyway,” said Arthur, his voice lightened and more playful than before. “I should not have placed that burden on you. Merlin is my responsibility,” he finished saying.

Gwaine used every last inch of his acting talent not to wince at that. He knew that Arthur was trying to grant him absolution, but the Prince was doing a piss poor job of it. He wanted to look out for Merlin and he hadn’t done it just because Arthur had ordered it. Now it seemed as Arthur  _ did _ think he failed and had put it upon himself to take care of Merlin instead. Gwaine grit his teeth so he didn’t say anything to make the situation worse.

It was at that moment that they both heard a small sound of pain coming from Merlin.

“ _ Mer _ lin,” Arthur drawled out, ready to yell at Merlin for attempting to climb his horse by himself.

Gwaine stalked over until he was only a few inches away. “I didn’t know you loved stitches so much, Merlin,” he joked. Merlin just shot him a petulant glare.

“Come on, Merlin,” said Arthur as if exasperated with his manservant. Seeing as Arthur was about to help get Merlin onto his horse, Gwaine forced his way between them.

“I got it from here, Arthur,” said Gwaine, his hands on Merlin’s slim hips. He held back the moan that wanted to come out. He loved the feel of Merlin. Arthur looked at him as if amused and just raised his hands placatingly.

“Alright, just make sure you’re both careful on your way back. We shouldn’t be gone too much longer,” he said as he turned to leave, but not before he shot Merlin a wink. Merlin scowled back, but his cheeks took on a slightly rosy hue. Gwaine tried not to glare too harshly.

As he lifted Merlin onto the horse they were joined by the other knights and the villager Daniel. They all said their well-wishes and good-byes and soon Merlin and Gwaine were trotting along slowly back to Camelot.

**+++**

“Do you need to stop?” asked Gwaine an hour or so later. He had noticed that Merlin was swaying a little dangerously on his horse. The adrenaline from the fight had finally left him and it was only now that he realized just how late it was.

Merlin shook his head, but at that moment he listed more to the side and almost fell off. “That’s it, we’re resting for the night,” said Gwaine as he pulled on Merlin’s horse reins to stop the mare. 

“I can keep going,” said Merlin petulantly.

“You might, but I can’t and we’ll make more progress once it’s daylight,” said Gwaine simply. He knew that by making it about him and how  _ he _ needed rest that Merlin would give in. Merlin was just too damn stubborn for his own good at times and failed to take care of himself.

Merlin didn’t complain as Gwaine helped him from his horse. He helped him walk over to the base of a large tree and to sit down. Gwaine then went and unloaded their bedrolls from the horses and stacked them near Merlin. He then walked around their make-shift campsite and gathered a bundle of firewood. After the fire was done he walked over to Merlin with a waterskin and some cheese and dried fruit. 

Merlin took the food with a shaky hand and Gwaine wanted to take it back and feed him but he didn’t think it would be welcomed. They ate in silence and the fire was banked low enough to see by and still cast some warmth but not enough to draw too much attention. Gwaine leaned against the same tree Merlin was seated by and had his sword drawn next to him. Once they had finished eating he took the waterskins and placed them by his sword.

“How are you feeling?” asked Gwaine as he peered into Merlin’s face intently. Merlin’s brow was furrowed and his lips were pressed so tightly the skin turned white.

“I’ve been better,” bit out Merlin as he tried not to let out a pained groan.

Gwaine eyed him for a moment before placing his arm over Merlin’s shoulders, careful of the wound, and tucking the taller man closer to his side. He took one of the bedrolls and tucked it around them. Merlin’s head automatically placed itself on Gwaine’s chest, under his chin. They folded into each other so seamlessly as if made for each other. (Or at least Gwaine thought it was so)

Merlin’s body was warmer than usual and Gwaine suspected that he might start developing a fever. The quicker they made it to Camelot the better.

“Gwaine?” whispered Merlin, his words puffed out against Gwaine’s neck and inadvertently arousing him. This was definitely not the time.

“Yeah?” he replied as he tightened his hold.

“Thanks,” said Merlin as he closed his eyes and rested.

Gwaine could tell he was still awake. “Anytime, Merlin,” he replied as he placed a gentle kiss on the top of Merlin’s head. “Are you comfortable?” he asked.

Merlin merely hummed in reply as he snuggled closer, his own arm sneaking around Gwaine’s waist. “Very,” he said aloud as he placed a small kiss under Gwaine’s jaw. “Wish we could do this when I’m not injured,” he continued on to say.

Gwaine could feel his heart stutter in his chest in wonderment and anticipation. Was this Merlin confessing that he wanted to be with him?

Before he could say anything he heard a soft snore from Merlin as he felt his breath finally even out. It seemed the wound and days events finally caught up with him and Merlin just fell asleep. Gwaine inwardly groaned in exasperation. He was never going to get a break.

He sat there for a while with Merlin curled around him and just basked in their closeness. He tried to come up with something romantic to say or some grand gesture so Merlin could see how much Gwaine wanted him too. Merlin’s warm body lulled him to sleep without him noticing before he could come up with a plan.

**+++**

Sunlight stabbing into his eyes woke him. Gwaine turned to look at Merlin and saw that the other man was already awake and staring at him with a soft smile on his face. Merlin’s face had regained some color over night and he no longer looked like he was in much pain.

“Good morning,” mumbled Gwaine as he flashed Merlin a roguish grin.

“Morning,” mumbled Merlin as he continued to stare at Gwaine. Gwaine could feel his face warming and he wanted to do nothing more than kiss Merlin that very second. However, just because Merlin looked better it didn’t mean that he was. He needed to get him back to Camelot and to Gaius. 

“You ready to go?” asked Gwaine as he untangled himself from Merlin, already missing his warmth. He passed over the waterskin and drank from his own. He then gathered his sword and took the skin back from Merlin. 

Merlin’s eyes followed him as he moved about the camp and Gwaine felt a little self-conscious. What if Merlin was expecting something from him and he wasn’t delivering? Gwaine absolutely hated the uncertainty. The sooner they were in Camelot and Merlin was healed the sooner they could talk about all the tension between them. Gwaine usually was a more ‘actions now questions later’ kind of man but he wanted to do right by Merlin, wanted to give them a chance to last.

He finished packing up the horses and scattering the ashes from the fire before helping Merlin onto his horse.

“We should make it by mid-day if we start now,” said Gwaine. Merlin just huffed. Gwaine wondered if Merlin was mad at him but couldn’t think of a reason why he would be. Instead he rode next to Merlin and chatted about inconsequential things. He talked about some of the tavern brawls he had been in, the weird things he had eaten and about the people he met along the way.

This helped ease whatever was wrong between them as Merlin opened up and asked him clarifying questions and added his own anecdotes.  _ This _ was what had been missing the past day - this easiness, the closeness. Gwaine had been ladened with his self-imposed guilt that he had already forgotten just how fun and wonderful it was to just  _ talk _ with Merlin.

**+++**

Camelot came into view around mid-day as anticipated. They rode through the lowertown and made their way to the stables. Gwaine handed over the reins to the stable boys and instructed them to bring by their things to his own chambers. He helped Merlin off his horse and toward Gaius’ rooms.

Without knocking he walked straight into the room, startling Gaius, but not enough to ruin whatever it was he was working on.

“Oh, Merlin,” he sighed as he took in the sight of his charge.

“Sorry, Gaius,” apologized Merlin sheepishly. Gwaine helped Merlin sit at the empty bench.

“What happened?” Gaius asked as he already went to his cupboard for bandages and some medicinal concoctions.

“Were-wulf claws,” simply said Merlin. Gaius’ eyebrow rose.

Gwaine laughed lightly. Now that he was here and Merlin was out of danger he felt more calm about the whole thing. “Merlin dived in front of a were-wulf to protect Arthur,” said Gwaine and grinned at Merlin when the other man let out a groan.

Gaius just shook his head. “Of course he did. Gwaine, can you go and get me some fresh water and I’m not sure if either of you have eaten so you might want to go and get something from the kitchen as well,” added the older man. Gwaine shot a look at Merlin and only left the room once Merlin nodded at him.

**+++**

He ordered a servant to bring him the water to his chambers along with a flagon of ale and stopped by the armory to drop off his armor before making his way to the kitchens. He grabbed enough bread, cheese, and fruit for all three of them before walking to his rooms. Once there he cleaned off the dirt that accumulated from the road on his chest as best he could before changing his tunic. He stuck his head out and ushered a servant. He carried the food while the servant carried the water back over to Gaius’ room.

The servant knocked at the door and Gwaine rolled his eyes, but waited for Gaius to call him in before they entered. The servant placed the bucket on the table and bowed before he left. Merlin had muttered a ‘thank you’ and the servant sent him a brief smile. 

Gwaine placed the food on the only clear space of the table before going back over to Merlin.

“How is he, Gaius?” he asked, completely ignoring Merlin since Gwaine knew it annoyed the other man. Gaius smiled, easily reading Gwaine’s actions.

“He is sitting right here and he is fine,” petulantly said Merlin with a small pout on his lips. Gwaine chuckled and rubbed Merlin’s head with his hand.

“He’ll be just fine. He just needs to rest. The wound wasn’t terribly bad and he made it back here in time before it could get infected. I just gave him a fever reducing potion and stitched up the wound. He’ll heal in no time,” replied Gaius as he put away his supplies. 

Gwaine let out a sigh of relief. “Well, that’s great to hear,” he said as he started clearing off the table Merlin was seated by. He brought the tray of food over once he was done. He wondered just how Gaius organized his things. It was the epitome of organized chaos. He sat on the bench right next to Merlin and Gaius across the table from them. “Here, I got enough for all of us. It was too early for dinner to be ready so this was all they had,” said Gwaine as he bit into an apple. 

“Thanks Gwaine,” said Merlin.

“Thank you, Gwaine,” replied Gaius as he sliced the bread. They ate in relative silence until Merlin yawned.

“You should rest now, Merlin,” said Gaius as he took a swig of his tea. Merlin yawned again and stood up. He must have been more tired than he thought since he swayed a bit. Gwaine rose immediately and steadied him with an arm around his bare waist.

“Woah there, Merlin,” said Gwaine, a bit worried.

“Sorry,” muttered Merlin.

“It’s fine.Come on, let’s get you to bed. I’ll wake you when it’s time for dinner,” said Gwaine as they both shuffled over to Merlin’s room. The room was messy and had a few clothes strewn around. Gwaine absolutely loved the lived-in feel and idly wondered what his chambers would look like if Merlin ever moved in with him.

“Up you get,” said Gwaine as he helped Merlin sit on the bed. He then took the nearby stool and placed it nearby. He helped Merlin out of his boots and then helped him lie on the bed.

“You don’t have to do that,” weakly protested Merlin, but Gwaine just shook his head at him and gave him a half-smile.

“I want to take care of you,” Gwaine confessed. Merlin’s eyes widened in surprise, but a yawn interrupted him before he could speak. “It’s fine, Merlin. Go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Merlin tried to protest some more but it seemed whatever potion Gaius had given him had finally started to work.

**+++**

Gwaine sat there for a while and simply stared at Merlin, lost in his own thoughts. Everything that happened the past few days played over again in his head. He tried to figure out what Merlin and Arthur really were to one another but could not get a clear picture. They were close to each other, anyone could see that. What Gwaine wanted to know was just  _ how _ close they were. It was so hard to tell. They blurred the line so much in their relationship it was hard to label. And maybe that had been his problem all along. Maybe Merlin and Arthur could not be labeled. Maybe they just  _ were _ .

Gwaine didn’t know if that revelation made it any easier or harder for him. All he knew was that he cared about Merlin, loved him, and that he wanted Merlin to love him back. He might not be number one in Merlin’s heart, but at this point Gwaine felt that he just had to take what he could get. He had a feeling that Merlin cared for him, wanted him, but he wasn’t sure just how serious Merlin was about him and if he and Arthur were already something special together. He tried not to dwell on it too much but he couldn’t help himself.

After mentally walking in circles, he spent the next hour just looking at Merlin and running his fingers through his hair. At one point he wanted to steal a kiss but when he was only a few centimeters away he chickened out. He wished that Merlin had a bigger bed so he could just lay next to him, curl his arm around his waist and entwine their legs. He wanted to cuddle Merlin and if that didn’t give him a clear picture of what he wanted with Merlin then nothing else would.

Some more time passed and Gwaine had lost track. It wasn’t until Gaius knocked softly that Gwaine was startled from his thoughts. He went and opened the door. “What is it, Gaius?” he asked in a whisper.

“Dinner is ready. Can you wake Merlin?” asked the older man. Gwaine nodded and Gaius walked back to the table.

Gwaine looked at Merlin’s sleeping body and tried not to ogle the naked chest anymore than he already had. He thought about the best way to wake up Merlin and threw out a half dozen ideas before he settled on one.

He walked over and ran his hand gently through Merlin’s hair. He then placed a light kiss on Merlin’s temple and cheek and whispered Merlin’s name into his ear.

Merlin’s face twitched and he rolled over. Gwaine chuckled lightly and took Merlin’s shoulder into his hand and shook him lightly. “Wake up, Merlin,” said Gwaine again.

Merlin let out a moan as he woke and Gwaine had to bite his own lip so he didn’t let out a moan of his own. Merlin was definitely going to be the death of him - he had no right being that sexy.

“Merlin,” said Gwaine again, this time louder as he shook the shoulder harder.

Merlin blinked awake and his eyes were still a bit hazy with sleep. “G’aine?” he mumbled, his brain trying to wake up.

“Yeah, it’s me. Come on, dinner’s ready,” said Gwaine as his heart melted at Merlin’s sleepy face. Merlin rose onto his elbows and looked at Gwaine, finally awake.

“Gwaine!” he shouted, startled. Gwaine just gave him a raised eyebrow. (It wasn’t as great as Gaius’ but it was a good second)

“What are you doing here? And where’s my shirt?” questioned Merlin, his face red with embarrassment. 

“You really don’t remember?” Gwaine asked, concerned. Merlin seemed perfectly fine a few hours ago, aside from being exhausted.

Merlin sat up on the bed while Gwaine rummaged around the room for a clean shirt. Merlin placed a hand on his head as his eyebrows furrowed. “Oh…” he said, “I remember. Thanks for looking over me,” said Merlin with a sunny smile.

Gwaine smiled back, it was impossible not to. “It was no problem. Here, do you need help putting on your shirt?”

Merlin took the shirt and fumbled with it. He nodded at Gwaine sheepishly. Gwaine rolled his eyes fondly but helped him anyway.

“Come on, we’ve kept Gaius waiting long enough,” said Gwaine. They both walked into the main Physician Chambers and took their respective seats.

“How are you doing, Merlin?” asked Gaius politely. 

“Great! It doesn’t really hurt unless I try to lift my arm above my head,” said Merlin as he took a spoonful of stew.

“Glad to hear it, my boy,” said Gaius as he took a bite out of some bread.

“Thank you for dinner, Gaius,” said Gwaine as he served them all some water

“You’re welcome, Gwaine, and thank you for watching over Merlin.”

Merlin huffed and they all laughed good naturedly. Dinner was mostly silent and they all seemed lost in their own thoughts. Now that the danger of Merlin falling ill had passed, Gwaine wanted to speak with Merlin without Arthur’s overwhelming presence. 

“You’re things are in my chambers,” said Gwaine once they all finished eating, “did you want to come by and get them?”

Merlin thought for a moment then agreed. “See you, Gaius,” said Merlin as he and Gwaine walked out of the room, Gwaine waved his hand in goodbye.

As they walked side by side Gwaine made sure that he was as close to Merlin without knocking into him. He remembered how fatigued Merlin had been and wanted to be within arms reach in case he fainted. Besides, having their hands brush against one another as they walked was no burden.

Gwaine entered first and set about lighting some candles. Their bags from the horses were on the table and were still tightly packed.

“Have a seat, Merlin,” said Gwaine as he gestured to the seat next to his own. His table was also equipped with benches like the ones Gaius had. He took the flagon and poured them each a cup. “Did Gaius say you couldn’t drink?” asked Gwaine worriedly once Merlin sat down. He didn’t know what was in those potions Merlin drank and didn’t want to accidentally poison him.

“It’s fine as long as I only have a cup,” Merlin replied. “Something on your mind, Gwaine?” asked Merlin. Gwaine sat down with his own cup after passing the other one to Merlin. He both loved and hated how Merlin just went right to the point. This was it. There was no turning back from this point. He took a large gulp from his cup to steel his nerves and then coughed into his fist.

“Merlin,” he started. He had faced all manner of things in his life that would have other people running for the hills in fear, but for him this was in all honestly the scariest thing he had ever done.

He didn’t do things like put his heart on the line, to have his hope so vulnerable, to give others power over him that could crush him forever. It was madness, but then again, didn’t the poets say that love was a sort of madness too?

“Merlin,” he said again as he made sure to look directly into Merlin’s eyes. Merlin’s eyes were so open and so soft that it actually eased Gwaine’s concerns a bit. No matter what happened he knew that Merlin would always be his best friend.

_ Say the words...say them! _

Gwaine leaned over and kissed Merlin on the lips. The kiss was warm and insistent and Merlin’s lips were so soft.

_ So much for talking _ .

Merlin made a small, surprised sound and pulled back after a moment. Gwaine wasn’t deterred in the least.

He looked into Merlin’s eyes but couldn’t read the emotions in there. All he knew was that he had finally kissed Merlin after all the years he had yearned for it. It was everything he hoped for and more. 

“Gwaine?” Merlin questioned, confused and slightly alarmed.

“Sorry, Merlin. I had to - it was driving me crazy,” said Gwaine as he pulled back but was still well enough into Merlin’s spaced.

“What was driving you crazy?” he asked, more calm than Gwaine felt at the moment. He wasn’t sure if this was Merlin bottling up his emotions of if he really was all that calm.

“You. You were driving me crazy and I just have to know,” blathered on Gwaine.

Merlin’s face grew rosy. “Sorry,” he muttered, not really sure what he was apologizing for. “What do you have to know?” he asked as he leaned closer to Gwaine, his eyes filled with something akin to hope.

“About you. About you and Arthur and about how you feel about me, about us, and about him,” Gwaine said, every speech, every carefully thought out words came out in a jumble. This was why he never bothered to plan anything out, it always became a mess. He dealt better when he did things on the fly.

Merlin’s soft look left his eyes. “Arthur?” he questioned, completely confused. “What does you kissing me have to do with Arthur?” Merlin’s face grew a bit stony at the thought. Gwaine wasn’t sure what was going through his head, but he just really  _ had to know _ .

“Are you and the princess together?” bluntly asked Gwaine, hardening his heart for the answer to come.

Merlin’s face twisted into something that was both comical and horrifying. It was as if Merlin couldn’t decide between laughing or being angry.

“What? Arthur and me? Are you insane?!” finally shouted out Merlin. He made to get out of his seat but Gwaine’s arm shot out and grasped his wrist tightly and forced him to remain in his seat.

“Sorry. It’s just,” here Gwaine struggled for words. It was so difficult to describe Merlin and Arthur’s relationship from an outsider's point of view. “You are very close to one another,” he lamely said in the end.

“That’s because he’s a slave driver!” shouted Merlin, but without malice.

Gwaine just shook his head in exasperation. “That’s not exactly what I meant. You’re his best friend Merlin and I wasn’t sure if you were  _ more  _ than that,” emphasized Gwaine.

Merlin got the hint and actually took a moment to think through Gwaine’s statements. He closed his eyes and looked to be evaluating his and Arthur’s relationship.

After a minute or so he opened his eyes and looked at Gwaine once more. Sheepishly, he said, ”Alright, I suppose I can  _ sort of _ see where you could come to that conclusion. Arthur is very important to me and I would die for him if the need arose. He’s like…” and here Merlin trailed off. He continued a moment later once he gathered his thoughts. “Arthur is like the other half of my soul, like we’re two sides of the same coin. It’s very hard to explain, but he does mean a great deal to me.”

Gwaine tried not to let his hurt show on his face. Each word that Merlin said just added another arrow straight to his heart and he fought the urge to stomp away and curl on his bed in heartbreak.

Of course Arthur was the most important person in Merlin’s life. The way Merlin described it, it was as if he and Arthur were  _ soulmates _ . Gwaine leaned away from Merlin’s body, no longer comfortable with all their closeness.

Merlin noticed of course.

“Gwaine?” he questioned, his brow furrowed and his blue eyes dark and filled with worry.

“I get it. You might not be with Arthur but you’re obviously in love with him,” said Gwaine, hoping that he could hold out on crying until Merlin was no longer in the room.

“I - “ Merlin started to say and then took a deep breath. “Gwaine, I may love Arthur, but I’m not  _ in love _ with him and I’m pretty sure he’s not in love with me. Gwen might have some stern words for me if that was the case,” Merlin finished off with a chuckle. Gwaine tried to find the humor but he just couldn’t muster the emotion. He already felt that he was tugged into many emotional directions.

Merlin, noticing Gwaine’s silence, reached over and took Gwaine’s hand in one of his own.

“I can’t love Arthur because I’m already in love with someone else,” Merlin confessed softly, his eyes wide and scared but with a determined glint. Gwaine could feel his heart beating wildly against his chest.

He swallowed tightly and tried not to get his hope up again. 

He failed.

“And who might that be? Do I know them?” he asked, his lips twisted into a half smile while his eyes peered at Merlin intently.

Merlin gave a little nod and a small grin. “You know them really well,” he replied before he leaned forward and gave Gwaine a kiss.

Gwaine could feel warmth spread throughout his entire body and all his worries simply faded away. There was only Merlin, and Merlin’s lips, and  _ dear god, _ Merlin’s tongue and it was all he could think about for a really long time.

**+++**

After they kissed for much longer than Gwaine ever remembered kissing someone they made their way to Gwaine’s bed and laid down. They kissed more while on the bed as they groped one another, their hands touching everywhere they could. Before they could go further Gwaine pulled back. 

Merlin’s lips were red and slick and Gwaine wanted nothing more than to dive back in. He resisted and it took every ounce of his willpower.

“I want to court you,” he mumbled as he held Merlin tight against him.

Merlin looked up and his face flushed lightly. “Can’t we do that and this at the same time?” asked Merlin as he cupped Gwaine’s erection through his trousers. Gwaine let out a long moan and fought against the urge to buckle into Merlin’s hand.

“Soon,” he promised, his voice coming out as more of a hiss. “Very soon, but let me do this. Besides, you aren’t completely healed yet.”

Merlin, sensing the seriousness of the situation, backed off slightly and trailed his hand up Gwaine’s arm instead.

“I think you’re it for me, Gwaine,” said Merlin sincerely. Gwaine hadn’t known he needed to hear those words until they finally healed his soul. He gave Merlin a loving smile.

“Me too, so let’s do this right,” said Gwaine.

“Doesn’t mean we can’t have  _ some _ fun along the way,” he continued on to say as he rolled Merlin onto his back and gave him another kiss.

**+++**

A few days later found Gwaine and Merlin waiting to meet Arthur and the knights at the courtyard. Merlin was just about healed and was ready to resume his manservant duties. Gwaine wasn’t about to let Merlin out of his sight and so joined the other man, making sure their hands were entwined. He couldn’t get enough of Merlin now that he had him.

“About time,” said Arthur with a smirk as he took in their clasped hands. He and the other knights dismounted from their horses and passed the reins to the stable boys. 

“He’s been pining for  _ weeks _ ,” Arthur announced, looking directly at Gwaine and Merlin’s face grew red. The rest of the knights chuckled lightly. Elyan and Percival shot winks at Gwaine who smirked back at them.

“Sh-shut up you….you cabbagehead!” yelled Merlin as he pointed a finger from his free hand at Arthur. Arthur just threw back his head and laughed. 

“You can’t call me that, Merlin. I’m the Prince,” mildly scolded Arthur.

Gwaine just took in their banter with both amusement and amazement. He realized now that Merlin and Arthur would always be like this and he had no reason to be jealous anymore. Arthur may be the other half of Merlin’s soul, but he was the other half of Merlin’s heart and there was nothing else he’d rather be.

Gwaine turned and gave Merlin a big, sloppy kiss on his cheek and just laughed in the happiness of it all.

  
  


**THE END.**

 


End file.
